Medicine — most commented jokes

A man walks into a doctor's office. He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear.

- What's the matter with me? he asks the doctor.

- You're not eating properly.

A doctor's advice to young bride regarding the use of the diaphragm: "Use it on every conceivable occasion."

How does Herpes leave the hospital?
→ On crotches.

What's the definition of a real loser?
→ A guy who has a wet dream and gets HIV.

What's the difference between mono and herpes?
→ You get mono from from snatching a kiss....

What's the difference between a Geneologist and a Gynecologist?
→ A Geneologist looks up your family tree, and a Gynecologist looks up your family bush.

A prostitute goes to the hospital to visit a colleague who is about to have a heart transplant. She's worried about the friend so she asks the doctor:

- Girlfriend: I'm worried about my friend doc, what if her body rejects the organ?

- Doctor: Well she's 36 years old and healthy. How long has she been in business?

- Girlfriend: She's been working since she was 19 years old but what does that have to do with anything?

- Doctor: Well she's been working 17 years and hasn't rejected an organ yet!

A neighbor of mine, Myron, in his mid-50's, had a relatively minor heart attack, and while he was in the hospital, he complained to his cardiologist that he thought that his sex life was over. The cardiologist said, "Not true, Myron. Sex is wonderful exercise for your heart. After you get home, you should have sex 3 or 4 times a week. It'll be the best thing you can do for your recovery."

So after his discharge (from the hospital), Myron tells his wife what the doctor had said. His wife looked at him and told him, "That's wonderful, Myron! Sign me up for twice."

- Patient: Doctor I'm having trouble having sex with my wife. When I get close enough to her, I get nauseous. When I insert, even an inch or two, I get sick to my stomach.

- Doctor: Hmmmm, that does sound serious. Let me see it.

Patient sticks out his tongue...

AMNESIA: Condition that enables a woman who has gone through labor to have sex again.