Medicine — most commented jokes

There was a costume party at a mental hospital; the theme of the party was "war". The first person comes up onto the stage and says, "I'm an atomic bomb." He gets his applause and steps down.

The second person comes up and says, "I'm a hydrogen bomb." Again, there's applause and he steps down.

And then a naked little man comes up to the stage and says, "I'm dynamite." Everybody runs away hysterically. When one of them is asked why, he says, "Didn't you see how small his fuse was?"

A man and a woman were waiting at the hospital donation center.

- What are you doing here today?

- Oh, I'm here to donate some blood. They're going to give me $5 for it.

- Hmm, that's interesting. I'm here to donate sperm, myself. But they pay me $25.

The woman looked thoughtful for a moment and they chatted some more before going their separate ways.

Several months later, the same man and woman meet again in the donation center.

- Oh, hi there! Here to donate blood again?

- [shaking her head with mouth closed] Unh unh.

Two doctors were in a hospital hallway one day complaining about Nurse Jenny. "She's incredibly dumb. She does everything absolutely backwards." said one doctor. "Just last week, I told her to give a patient 2 milligrams of percocet every 10 hours. She gave him 10 milligrams every 2 hours.

He nearly died on us!" The second doctor said, "That's nothing. Earlier this week, I told her to give a patient an enema every 24 hours. She tried to give him 24 enemas in one hour! The guy nearly exploded!"

Suddenly, they hear this blood-curdling scream from down the hall. "Oh my God!" said the first doctor, "I just realized I told Nurse Jenny to prick Mr. Smith's boil!"

The medical student was asked four reasons why mother's milk was better for babies than cow's milk. This is the answer he submitted:

1. It's fresher.
2. It's cleaner.
3. The cats can't get to it.
4. It's easier to take on a picnic.

He also added: "It comes in such cute containers."

What is red and sticky and crawls up a girls thigh?
→ A home-sick abortion.

What's the worst part about getting a lung transplant?
→ The first couple of times you cough, its not your phlegm...

- Give me the bad news first.

- You've got AIDS.

- Oh, no! What could be worse than that?

- You've also got Alzheimer's Disease.

- Oh. Well, that's not so bad. At least I don't have AIDS.

What do you call an armless, legless leper in a swimming pool?
→ Bob

Harry answers the telephone, and it's an Emergency Room doctor.

The doctor says, "Your wife was in a serious car accident, and I have bad news and good news. The bad news is she has lost all use of both arms and both legs, and will need help eating and going to the bathroom for the rest of her life."

Harry says, "My God. What's the good news?"

The doctor says, "I'm kidding. She's dead."

Jones is driving past the state mental hospital when his left rear tire suffers a flat. While Jones is changing the tire, another car goes by, running over the hub cap in which Jones was keeping the lug nuts. The nuts are all knocked into a nearby storm drain. Jones is at a loss for what to do and is about to go call a cab when he hears a shout from behind the hospital fence, where one of the inmates has been watching the whole thing. "Hey, pal! Why don't you just take one lug nut off each of the other three wheels? That'll hold your tires on until you can get to a garage or something." Jones is startled by the patient's seeming rationality, but realizes the plan will work, and installs the spare tire without incident.

Before he leaves, he calls back to the patient. "You know, that was pretty sharp thinking. Why do they have you in there?" The patient smiles and says, "I'm in here because I'm crazy, not because I'm stupid."