Medicine — most commented jokes

The common symptoms of swine flu are: High fever, upset stomach, occasional cramps and an irresistible urge to fuck in the mud...

When the man first noticed that his penis was growing longer, he was delighted. But several weeks and several inches later, he became concerned and went to see a urologist. While his wife waited outside, the physician examined him and explained that, though rare, his condition could be corrected by minor surgery. The patient's wife anxiously rushed up to the doctor after the examination and was told of the diagnosis and the need for surgery.

"How long will he be on crutches?" she asked. "Crutches???" the doctor asked. "Well, yes," the woman said. "You are going to lengthen his legs, aren't you?"

A man leaned toward an attractive woman at a bar and told her, "Haven't I seen you somewhere before?"

"Yes," she replied in a loud voice, "I'm the receptionist at the V.D. clinic."

A REDNECK BRINGS HIS DAUGHTER TO THE GYNOCOLOGIST FOR BIRTH CONTROL PILLS.

THE DR. ASKS, "IS YOUR DAUGHTER SEXUALLY ACTIVE?"

THE REDNECK SAYS, "NAW, SHE JUST LAYS THERE LIKE HER MOTHER."

Did you hear about the guy who died of Viagra overdose?
→ They couldn't close his casket.

How do you get Visual Aids?
→ From a nasty poke in the eye.

A guy went into a bar and met a nice girl. They have a few drinks and soon wound up at his place, in bed.

They're having a great time. She was on top when suddenly she had an epileptic seizure -- she was shaking and foaming at the mouth. Our uninformed male thought this was incredible -- best sex he'd ever had.

He finished, but she is still shaking and thrashing about with her seizure. He began to get nervous and took her to the emergency room.

A nurse asked what the problem was and he replied, "I think her orgasm's stuck!"

When you go to the hospital how do you find the head nurse?
→ Look for the nurse with dirty knees and swollen lips!

Did you hear about the hooker that had her appendix taken out?
→ Now she does business on the side!

How can a man tell when his sperm count is elevated?
→ His girlfriend has to chew before she swallows.