Medicine — most commented jokes

Why does the Philippines ban rectal thermometers?
→ They cause too much brain damage.

Tyfus applied for a job in a factory.

The company doctor who was giving him a physical asked, "Have your eyes ever been checked?"

"No," said the worker.
"They've always been brown."

Two Virginia boys, Sonny and Rick, went out hunting and split up. Sonny heard some rustling in the bushes and, by mistake, shot his friend.

After trying to remove the bullet, he carried Rick to a doctor.

Two hours later, after the physician had patched up the wounded hunter, Sonny asked, "Please, Doc. How's my friend?"

"Well," answered the M.D., "he'd be a lot better off if you hadn't taken out his gut!"

Mad men are given a test to prove they are getting normal their teacher draws a door on the wall and orders them to go out.
They tart fighting but one remains sitting and the teacher goes to him and asks why he didn't join others and he says "let them fight they forgot I have the keys"

Which painter always had a very bad cold?
→ Vincent Van Cough

The young Southern belle came to the hospital for a check-up. "Have you ever been x-rayed?", asked the doctor.
"Nope," she replied, "But ah've been ultra-violated."

A gang of witches broke into a blood bank last night and stole a thousand pints of blood.
Police are still hunting for the clots.

How do you cook vegatables in the microwave?
→ Take them out their wheelchair.

Where do you take a sick horse?
→ To the Horspital!

What do you give a sick horse?
→ Cough stirrup.