Marriage Jokes — most commented jokes

A certain little boy had been spanked by his father one morning. When his dad came in from the office that evening, the boy called out sulkily, 'Mum! your husband's just come home.'

"Where's the car?" asked Professor Delbert's wife when he got home.

"Did I take it out?"

"Yes, you drove it to school this morning."

"I suppose you're right, my dear. I remember now that after I got out, I turned to thank the man who gave me a lift and wondered where he'd gone."

- Wife: There's trouble with the car. It has water in the carburettor.

- Husband: Water in the carburettor? That's ridiculous.

- Wife: I tell you the car has water in the carburettor.

- Husband: You don't even know what a carburettor is. I'll check it out. Where's the car?

- Wife: In the pool.

A state trooper pulled a car over and told the man driving that he was going 50 mph in a 40 mph zone.

"I was only going 40!" the driver protested.

"Not according to my radar," the trooper said.

"Yes, I was!" the man shouted back.

"No you weren't!" the trooper said.

With that, the man's wife leaned toward the window and said, "Officer, I should warn you not to argue with my husband when he's been drinking."

My husband's business is rather up-and-down - he makes yo-yos.

A very successful businessman had a meeting with his new son-in-law. "I love my daughter, and now I welcome you into the family," said the man. "To show you how much we care for you, I'm making you a 50-50 partner in my business. All you have to do is go to the factory every day and learn the operations."

The son-in-law interrupted, "I hate factories. I can't stand the noise."

"I see," replied the father-in-law. "Well, then you'll work in the office and take charge of some of the operations."

"I hate office work," said the son-in-law. "I can't stand being stuck behind a desk all day."

"Wait a minute," said the father-in-law. "I just made you half-owner of a moneymaking organization, but you don't like factories and won't work in an office. What am I going to do with you?"

"Easy," said the young man. "Buy me out."

Smith goes to see his supervisor in the front office.

"Boss," he says, "we're doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff."

"We're short-handed, Smith," the boss replies. "I can't give you the day off."

"Thanks, boss," says Smith. "I knew I could count on you!"

Resolving to surprise her husband, an executive's wife stops by his office.

As she walks in unannounced, she finds his secretary sitting on his lap.

Without hesitating, he begins to dictate a letter... "And in conclusion gentlemen, budget cut or not, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair."

Resolving to surprise her husband, an executive's wife stops by his office.

As she walks in unannounced, she finds his secretary sitting on his lap.

Without hesitating, he begins to dictate a letter... "And in conclusion gentlemen, budget cut or not, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair."

The farmer goes to town one day and happens to run into his old pal the tractor salesman.

"How's business?" asks the farmer.

"Not very good, I haven't sold a tractor in months. How are things on the farm?" asked the salesman.

"Well-- The other day I went out to the barn to milk that old cow I have. I started milking and she swatted me with her tail, so I tied her tail to the ceiling. I started milking again and she kicked me with her left leg so I tied that to the left side of the stall. I started milking again and she kicked me with her right leg so I tied that one to the right side of the stall. About that time my wife walked in the barn, and if you can convince her that I was just trying to milk that damn cow, I'll buy a tractor from you!!"