Marriage Jokes — most commented jokes

Why do you want to be buried at sea?
→ Because my wife says she wants to dance on my grave.

An avid line dancing couple go to the doctor for a check up because they are having trouble remembering anything but, all the latest line dances. The doctor finds them in excellent health (of course), but suggests that writing things down may help their memories off the dance floor. That night the husband gets up to go the kitchen and the wife asks for a dish of ice cream, suggesting that maybe he write it down. He says "I don't need to write it down"

She says "Well I want Strawberries on it, so maybe you better write it down" "I don't need to write it down" He says and walks off in a huff. Twenty minutes later he comes back with a plate of bacon and eggs.

"I told you to write it down" she says, "You forgot my toast".

- I think I hear burglars, dear. Are you awake?

- No!

A woman woke her husband in the middle of the night. "There's a burglar downstairs eating the cake that I made this morning."

"Who shall I call," her husband asked, "police or ambulance?"

What do you call a cow who argues with her husband?
→ A bullfighter!

- Professor: I forgot to take my umbrella this morning.

- Wife: When did you first miss it, dear?

- Professor: When I reached up to close it after the rain had stopped.

Did you hear about the Western Kentucky professor who kissed the door goodbye and slammed his wife as he went by?

- Professor: Heavens! Someone stole my wallet!

- Wife: Didn't you feel a hand in your pocket?

- Professor: Yes, but I thought it was mine!

Last summer, the President and Mrs. Clinton were vacationing in their home state of Arkansas. On a venture one day, they stopped at a service station to fill up the car with gas.
It seemed that the owner of the station was once Hillary's high school love.

They exchanged hellos, and went on their way.

As they were driving on to their destination, Bill put his arm around Hillary and said, "Well, honey, if you had stayed with him, you would be the wife of a service station owner today."

She smirked and replied, "No, if I had stayed with him, he would be President of the United States."

Why is Chelsea Clinton growing up a confused child?
→ Because dad can't keep his pants on and mom wants to wear them.