Language Jokes — most commented jokes

Did you hear about the classical pianist who was not a good speller? When she went out to buy something she left a sign on her door that said: "Out Chopin. Be Bach in a minuet"

What's the definition of a narrow squeak?
→ A thin mouse!

Why did the man throw away all the new pennies he had?
→ Because they were a nuisance (new cents).

Why isn't a dime worth as much today as it used to be?
→ Because the dimes (times) have changed.

Where can you always find money?
→ In the dictionary.

An English professor wrote the words, "woman without her man is a savage" on the blackboard and directed his students to punctuate it correctly.

The men wrote: "Woman, without her man, is a savage."

The women wrote: "Woman: Without her, man is a savage."

- Wife: Do you think of me when you're away darling?

- Husband: Yes honey, I always bare you in mind.

A young couple got married and left on their honeymoon. When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother. Her mother asked, "How was the honeymoon?" "Oh, Mum," she replied, "the honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic..." Suddenly she burst out crying. "But, Mum, as soon as we returned Sam started using the most horrible language...things I'd ever heard before! I mean, all these awful 4-letter words! You've got to come get me and take me home.... Please Mum!"

"Sarah," her mother said, "calm down! Tell me, what could be so awful? What 4-letter words?"

"Please don't make me tell you, Mum," wept the daughter, "I'm so embarrassed, they're just too awful! Come get me, please!"

"Darling, you must tell me what has you so upset. Tell your mother these horrible 4-letter words!"

Still sobbing, the bride said, "Oh, Mum, they were words like dust, wash, iron, cook!"

What two letters do you say when you answer the phone?
→ LO

What letters are not in the alphabet?
→ The ones in the mail, of course!