Kids Jokes — most commented jokes

A wise man once said that having children is hereditary.

Which is tantamount to saying: If your parents didn't have children, chances are you won't either.

My husband has always taken the time to make love to me in a very romantic atmosphere.

In fact, all our kids were conceived during Miller Lite commercials.

All children who entered the world in the 1980s and later were born with a special mutated gene that enables them to know which buttons to push on electronic gadgets.

The lifeguard told the mother to make her young son stop urinating in the pool.

- Everyone knows - the mother lectured him.

- that from time to time, young children will urinate in a pool!

- Oh really? - said the lifeguard.

- from the diving board?!

From Reader's Digest, June 1992:

I grew up in a non-musical family; only one of our five siblings can even carry a tune.

So, I've restricted my singing to private places like the bathtub or the car. But one night, I softly sang a lullaby to my nine-month-old baby.

After the first verse, he sweetly looked into my eyes, removed the pacifier from his mouth and placed it in mine.

After having quadruplets, the mother named them... Adolph, Rudolph, Getoff, and Stayoff.

If a child annoys you, quiet him by brushing his hair.

If this doesn't work, use the other side of the brush on the other end of the child.

My husband and I had just finished tucking our four young ones into bed one evening when we heard sobbing coming from three-year-old Eric's room.

Rushing to his side, we found him crying hysterically. He had accidentally swallowed a penny and was sure he was going to die. No amount of talking could change his mind.

Desperate to calm him, my husband palmed a penny that he happened to have in his pocket and pretended to pull it from Eric's ear.

Eric was delighted.

In a flash, he snatched it from my husband's hand, swallowed it and demanded cheerfully:

- Do it again, Dad!

A little boy was visiting his grandparents on their farm and became attached to one of the kittens. This kitten, having no road sense, was killed by a passing car right in front of the little boy. The grandfather buried the kitten behind the barn, and the grandmother distracted the boy by giving him cookies and milk. While the little boy was eating, the following conversation took place.

- Grandma, what happened to the kitten?

- It was killed by a car. The kitten is dead.

- Where does a kitten go when it dies?

- God takes the kitten to heaven.

The little boy took another bite of cookie and then said:

- But, Grandma, what does God want with a dead kitten?

A business person once sat behind a small child on an airliner traveling from Chicago to N.Y. The kid sat with his nose glued to the window as the plane taxied and then took off.

After a couple of minutes in the air, the boy turned to his father and asked:

- When do we start getting smaller?