Gender Jokes — most commented jokes

It seems God noticed Adam was despondent. So the Lord God said, "Adam, come over here and sit down!". And Adam did so.

"Adam," spoke the Creator, "I see your countenance is fallen and you seem to feel rotten and lonely." Adam said nothing in response. "So," continued the Lord, "I am going to create an alternate person who will be with you!" Adam just looked puzzled but interested. "This person," said the Lord, "will take all the raw and tasteless food that you are currently ruining and will prepare wonderful, spicy, and tasty dishes." Adam looked grateful. "This person," said the Lord, "will be beautiful to behold and graceful and interesting to watch as she walks." Adam looked thoughtful. "This person," emphasized the Lord, "will be able to satisfy all those dreams that you currently are having!" Adam really looked relieved. "And, lastly," said the Lord, "She will obey your every whim and desire and order with cheerfulness." Adam was really impressed and finally spoke.

"O.K., Lord, but what is this going to cost me?" "An arm and a leg," said the Almighty.

"Well," Adam then said, "What can I get for a rib?"

How can you tell the difference between snowmen and snowwomen?
→ SNOWBALLS!!!

Once upon a time, a beautiful, independent, self assured princess happened upon a frog in a pond. The frog said to the princess, "I was once a handsome prince until an evil witch put a spell on me.

One kiss from you and I will turn back into a prince and then we can marry, move into the castle with my mom and you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children and forever feel happy doing so."

That night, while the princess dined on frog legs, she kept laughing and saying, "I don't think so."

Everybody on earth dies and goes to heaven.

God comes and says, "I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men that dominated their women on earth and the other line for the men that were dominated by their women. Also, I want all the women to go with St. Peter."

With that said and done, the next time God looked, the women are gone and there are two lines. The line of the men that were dominated by their women was 100 miles long, and in the line of men that dominated their women, there was only one man.

God got mad and said, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created you in my image and you were all whipped by your mates. Look at the only one of my sons that stood up and made me proud. Learn from him! Tell them my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this line?"

And the man replied, "I don't know, my wife told me to stand here."

Adam was wandering around the Garden of Eden feeling very lonely, when he heard a loud voice ask him, "What is wrong with you?" Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to, and he was feeling very lonely.

Then the loud voice said he was going to give him a companion and it would be a woman. The voice continued, saying; "this person will cook for you and wash your clothes, she will always agree with every decision you make. She will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. She will not nag you, and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement. She will never have a headache, and will freely give you love and compassion whenever needed."

Adam thought that sounded great, so he asked "What would a woman like this cost me??"

The voice answered, "an arm and a leg."

Adam thought about that for a moment. He thought that would be a pretty high price to pay, so he then asked, "What can I get for just a rib???"

The rest is history . . .

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring and good-looking?
→ Because all those men already have boyfriends.

Seminars for Females (Prepared and presented by Males)

1. Elementary map reading
2. Crying and law enforcement
3. Advanced math seminar: Programming your VCR
4. You can go shopping for less than 4 hours
5. Gaining five pounds vs. the end of the world: A study in contrast.
6. PMS: It's your problem, not mine ("It's happened monthly since puberty-deal with it.")
7. Driving I. Getting past automatic transmissions
8. Driving II. The meaning of blinking orange lights
9. Driving III. Approximating a constant speed
10. Driving IV. Makeup and Driving; it's as simple as oil and water
11. Football: Not a game; a sacrament
12. Telephone Translations (Formerly titled, "Me too" equals "I love you")
13. How to earn your own money
14. Gift giving fundamentals (Formerly titled, "Fabric bad, electronics good")
15. Putting the seat down by yourself: Potential energy is on your side
16. Beyond "Clean and Dirty" - The nuances of wearable laundry
17. Yes, you can fill up at a self service station
18. Joys of the remote control; Reaping the benefits of 50 channels
19. What comes around, goes around: Why his credit card is not a toy
20. His best friend can be yours too
21. His poker games: Deal yourself out
22. Commitment Schmittment (Formerly titled, "Wedlock Schmedlock")
23. To honor and obey: Remembering the small print above "I do"
24. Why your mother is unwelcome in the house
25. Your mate: selfish bastard, or victimized sensitive man?

Seminars For Males (Prepared and Presented by Females)

1. Combatting stupidity
2. You too can do housework
3. PMS: Learn when to keep your mouth shut
4. How to fill an ice tray
5. We do not want sleazy underthings for Christmas: give us money
6. Understanding the female response to your coming in drunk at 4am
7. Wonderful laundry techniques (formerly titled, "Don't wash my silks")
8. Parenting: It doesn't end with conception
9. Get a life; learn to cook
10. How not to act like a jackass when you're obviously wrong
11. Spelling: Even you can get it right
12. Understanding your financial incompetence
13. You: The weaker sex
14. Reasons to give flowers
15. How to stay awake in public
16. Why it is unacceptable to relieve yourself anywhere but the bathroom
17. Garbage: Getting it to the curb
18. You can fall asleep without it if you really try
19. The morning dilemma if IT is awake: Take a shower
20. I'll wear it if I damn well please
21. How to put the toilet lid down (formerly titled "No, it's not a bidet")
22. "The weekend" and "sports" are not synonyms
23. Give me a break: Why we know your excuses are bull
24. How to go shopping with your mate and not get lost
25. The remote control: Overcoming your dependency
26. Romanticism: Ideas other than sex
27. Helpful postural hints for couch potatoes
28. Mothers-in-law: They are people too
29. Male bonding: Leaving your friends at home
30. You too can be a designated driver
31. Seeing the true you (formerly titled, "You don't look like Mel Gibson when naked")
32. Changing your underwear: It really works
33. The attainable goal: removing "tits" from your vocabulary
34. Fluffing the blankets after flatulating is not necessary
35. Techniques for calling home before you leave work

What do you call a woman outside the kitchen?
→ A fugitive

If God had wanted people to be gay... he would've made Adam & Steve instead of Adam & Eve.

What do you call a closet full of lesbians?
→ A liquor cabinet.