Food Jokes — most commented jokes

What do computers eat when they get hungry?
→ Chips.

What did the egg say to the boiling water?
→ "How can you expect me to get hard so fast? I just got laid a minute ago."

A waiter brings the customer the steak he ordered with his thumb over the meat.

"Are you crazy" yelled the customer, "sticking your thumb in my steak?!"

"What" answers the waiter, "You want it to fall on the floor again?"

Bill Clinton and Al Gore go into a local diner for lunch.

As they read the menu, the waitress comes over and asks Clinton, "Are you ready to order?" Clinton replies, "Yes, I'd like a quickie!"

"A quickie?!?" the waitress replies. "Sir, given the past situation of your personal life I don't think that is a good idea. I'll come back when you are ready to order from the menu!" She walks away.

Gore leans over to Clinton and says, "It's pronounced Quiche."

A guy goes to visit his grandmother and he brings his friends with him.

While he's talking to his grandmother, his friend starts eating the peanuts on the coffee table, and finishes them off.

As they're leaving, his friend says to his grandmother, "Thanks for the peanuts."

She says, "Yeah, since I lost my dentures I can only suck the chocolate off 'em."

A preschool teacher thought it would be interesting for her students to learn to identify different names for the various kinds of meats. One day, she cooked up several different meats and labeled them. As each student took a bite they were asked to identify the animal.

Little Sherry took a bite of the meat labeled beef and correctly said that it came from a cow. Tommy took a bite of pork and also correctly identified the meat as coming from a pig. The last meat was labeled venison. The children chewed and chewed and after numerous incorrect guesses the teacher attempted to give them a hint "what does your mommy call your daddy when he comes home from work at night" she asked?

All of a sudden little Joey jumped up from the back of the classroom and yelled "Jesus Christ! Spit it out, it's Asshole"!

Veteran Pillsbury spokesman, Pop N. Fresh, died yesterday of a severe yeast infection. He was 71. Known to friends as "Brown-n-Serve," Fresh was an avid gardener and tennis player. Fresh was buried in one of the largest funeral ceremonies in recent years.

Dozens of celebrities turned out including Mrs. Butterworth, the California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Aunt Jemima, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Skippy.

The graveside was piled high with flours as longtime friend, Aunt Jemima, delivered the eulogy, describing Fresh as a man who "never knew how much he was kneaded."

Fresh rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with many turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes -- conned by those who buttered him up.

Still, even as a crusty old man, he was a roll model for millions. He enjoyed being prodded by his many friends who invariably poked fun at him.

Fresh is survived by his second wife. They have two children and another bun in the oven.

The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of cheerios?
→ Oh! Look!! Doughnut seeds!!!

Veteran Pillsbury spokesman Pop N. Fresh died yesterday of a severe yeast infection.

He was 71.

Fresh was buried in one of the largest funeral ceremonies in recent years.

Dozens of celebrities turned out including Mrs. Butterworth, the California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker and the Hostess Twinkies.

The graveside was piled high with flours, as long time friend Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy, describing Fresh as the man who "never knew how much he was kneaded". Fresh rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with many turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting most of his dough on half-baked schemes. Still, even as a crusty old man, he was a roll model for millions.

Fresh is survived by his second wife -- they have two children and one in the oven.

The funeral was held at 4:25 for about 20 minutes.

A farmer goes to the patent office to patent a peach, and the patent officer says, "You can't patent a peach, the peach has already been patented!"

And the farmer says, "Oh no. Not THIS kind of peach. Go ahead, try it!" So the patent officer takes a bite, and then, "Oh, wow! This is so good! It tastes like blackberry pie!"

And the farmer says, "Yeah, and do you like vanilla ice cream? Well then you gotta flip it over & try the other side".

So the patent officer does and he's like, "Man! That really does taste like vanilla ice cream! I can't believe it!"

So then the farmer looks around a bit and lowers his voice almost to a whisper, and says: "Psst! Have you ever tasted pussy?" "Oh yeah, I've eaten plenty of pussy!" "And you like it, right?" "Yeah I LOVE the taste of pussy" says the patent officer, starting to get excited.

The farmer says, "OK, then take a bite, right there" So the patent officer takes this HUGE bite, and then his eyes widen & he spits it out all over the place.

"Oh, Yuck! That tasted like SHIT!" & the farmer says "shoot,... I'm sorry, flip it over & try the other side!"