Food Jokes — most commented jokes

"Only in America"...

• can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance
• are there handicapped parking places in front of a skating rink
• do people order double cheese burgers, a large fry, and a diet coke
• do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters
• do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and leave useless things and junk in boxes in the garage
• do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place
• do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight
• do we use the word "politics" to describe the process so well: "poli" in latin meaning "many" and "tics" meaning "blood-sucking creatures".

- Waiter! This coffee tastes like mud.

- Yes sir, it's fresh ground.

You're so stupid, you got locked in a grocery store and starved!!

Sid and Al were sitting in a Chinese restaurant. "Sid," asked Al, "are there any Jews in China?"

"I don't know," Sid replied. "Why don't we ask the waiter?"

When the waiter came by, Al asked him, "Are there any Chinese Jews?"

"I don't know sir, let me ask," the waiter replied, and he went into the kitchen. He returned in a few minutes and said, "No, sir. No Chinese Jews."

"Are you sure?" Al asked.

"I will check again, sir." the waiter replied and went back to the kitchen.

While he was still gone, Sid said, "I cannot believe there are no Jews in China. Our people are scattered everywhere."

When the waiter returned he said, "Sir, no Chinese Jews."

"Are you really sure?" Al asked again. "I cannot believe there are no Chinese Jews."

"Sir, I ask everyone," the waiter replied exasperated.

"We have orange Jews, prune Jews, tomato Jews and grape Jews, but no one ever hear of Chinese Jews!"

What do you get when you cut a banana in two?
→ A BANANA SPLIT!

What do you call a bull in the middle of a field spanking his monkey?
→ Beef Stroganoff

What is a frogs favorite drink?
→ Croak-a-cola!

There's a celery, a carrot, and a dick talking.

The celery was like "Man, I got it bad, they chop me up and put me in cold water!"

Then the carrot was like "You think you got it bad they chop me up and stick me in HOT water!"

Then the dick said "Ya, well I got it the worst.

They put me in a plastic bag, stick me in a dark cave, and make me do push-ups until I puke!"

Two Nuts Where Walking Down The Street. One Was A Salted!

What did the mayonnaise say to the refrigerator?
→ Shut the door, I'm dressing!