Farming Jokes — most commented jokes

What is a cow's favorite TV show?
→ Dr Moo!

Why was the farmer hopping mad?
→ Because someone had trodden on his corn!

What would happen if bulls could fly?
→ You would have to carry an umbrella all the time and beef would go up!

What do you get if a sheep walks under a cloud?
→ A sheep that's under the weather!

Why do cows like being told jokes?
→ Because they like being amoosed!

What goes 'peck, bang, peck, bang, peck, bang'?
→ A bunch of chickens in a field full of balloons!

What do you get if you cross a pile of mud with a pig?
→ A groundhog!

How do you take a pig to hospital?
→ By hambulance!

What do you call a joke book for chickens?
→ A yolk book!

Why do ducks have webbed feet?
→ To stamp out forest fires!

Why did the pig go to the casino?
→ To play the slop machine!

What is a pigs favorite ballet?
→ Swine Lake!

What do you get if you cross a hen with a dog?
→ Pooched eggs!

How do you stop a rooser crowing on Sunday?
→ Eat him on Saturday!

Why did the foal cough?
→ Because he was a little horse!

What is the opposite of cock-a doodle-doo?
→ Cock-a-doodle-don't!

What's the best way to keep milk from turning sour?
→ Leave it inside the cow!

Where do milkshakes come from?
→ Excited cows!

What do you get if you cross a cow with a camel?
→ Lumpy milkshakes!

What is the definition of a goose?
→ An animal that grows down as it grows up!

Why did Bo Peep lose her sheep?
→ She had a crook with her!

What do you give a pony with a cold?
→ Cough Stirrup!

What animal always goes to bed with its shoes on?
→ A horse!

What happens when geese land in a volcano?
→ They cook their own gooses!

What do you call a pig with no clothes on?
→ Streaky bacon!

What is a horse's favorite sport?
→ Stable tennis!

What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?
→ An udder failure!

What do you give a sick pig?
→ Oinkment!

What do you get if you all sit under a cow?
→ A pat on the head!

What's the best way to make a bull sweat?
→ Put him in a tight jumper!

What do you call a pig that took a plane?
→ Swine flu!

What kind of doctor treats ducks?
→ A quack!

What did the well mannered sheep say to his friend at the field gate?
→ Afer ewe!

Why did the ram fall over the cliff?
→ He didn't see the ewe turn!

What do cows like to dance to?
→ Any kind of moosic you like!

Where do sheep get shorn?
→ At the baa baas!

What do you get if you cross a steer with a tadpole?
→ A bullfrog!

Why did the bull rush?
→ Because it saw the cow slip!

What kind of bird lays electric eggs?
→ A battery hen!

What do you call an arctic cow?
→ An eskimoo!

What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?
→ A brick-layer!

How do you fit more pigs on your farm?
→ Build a sty-scraper!

Why does a rooster watch TV?
→ For hentertainment!

What do you get from a drunk chicken?
→ Scotch eggs!

What do you call a crate of ducks?
→ A box of quackers!

What do you get if you cross a chicken with a bell?
→ A bird that has to wring its own neck!

A Japanese rancher told reporters in Tokyo in July that he herds cattle by outfitting them with pocket pagers (beepers), which he calls from his portable phone.

After a week of training, the cows associate the beeping with eating and hustle up for grub.

A farmer and his pig were driving down the road when a cop pulled him over.

The cop asked the farmer, "Didn't you know it is against the law to ride with a pig in the front of you truck?"

The farmer replied, "No, I didn't knowed that."

The cop ask the farmer where he was going and he said, "To Memphis". The cop said, "I will let you off the hook this time if you promise to take the pig to the zoo when you get to Memphis."

So the farmer promised he would.

Several days later the cop spotted the farmer with the pig driving down the road and he pulled him over again.

The cop said "I thought I told you to take this pig to the zoo when you got to Memphis" and to this the farmer replied "I did and we had so much fun, I'm taking him to the circus."

A farmer who's been involved in a terrible road accident with a large truck ended up in court fighting for a big compensation claim.

"I understand you're claiming damages for the injuries you're supposed to have suffered?" Stated the counsel for the insurance company.

"Yes, that's right," replied the farmer, nodding his head.

"You claim you were injured in the accident, yet I have a signed police statement that says that when the attending police officer asked you how you were feeling, you replied, 'I've never felt better in my life.' Is that the case?"

"Yeah, but" stammered the farmer.

"A simple yes or not will suffice," counsel interrupted quickly.

"Yes," Replied the farmer.

Then it was the turn of the farmer's counsel to ask him questions. "Please tell the court the exact circumstance of events following the accident when you made your statement of health," his lawyer said.

"Certainly," replied the farmer. "After the accident my horse was thrashing around with a broken leg and my poor old dog was howling in pain. This cop comes along, takes one look at my horse and shoots him dead. Then he goes over to my dog, looks at him and shoots him dead too. Then he come straight over to me and asked me how I was feeling. Now, mate, what the heck would you have said to him?"

On a rural road a state trooper pulled this farmer over and said: "Sir, do you realize your wife fell out of the car several miles back?"

To which the farmer replied: "Thank God, I thought I had gone deaf!"

An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area. Luckily, a local farmer came to help with his big strong horse named Buddy.

He hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled, "Pull, Nellie, pull." Buddy didn't move.

Then the farmer hollered, "Pull, Buster, pull." Buddy didn't respond.

Once more the farmer commanded, "Pull, Jennie, pull." Nothing.

Then the farmer nonchalantly said, "Pull, Buddy, pull." And the horse easily dragged the car out of the ditch.

The motorist was most appreciative and very curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times.

The farmer said, "Oh, Buddy is blind, and if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn't even try!"