Random joke from this category
Old Farmer Johnson was dying. The family was standing around his bed. With a low voice he said to his wife: "When I'm dead I want you to marry farmer Jones."
- Wife: No, I can't marry anyone after you.
- Johnson: But I want you to.
- Wife: But why?
- Johnson: Jones once cheated me in a horse deal!
A man was traveling down a country road when he saw a large group of people outside a house. He stopped and asked a person why the large crowd was there.
A farmer replied, "Joe's mule kicked his mother-in-law and she died."
"Well," replied the man, "she must have had a lot of friends."
"Nope," said the farmer, "we all just want to buy his mule."
Well, a man was driving down a country road, and he decided to get out and get some fresh air. He got out, and started walking in a meadow. As he walked, he came upon a hole. Wanting to see how deep it was, he threw a pebble down. No sound. So he threw a medium-sized rock down. No sound. The man started to get frustrated, so he threw a boulder down. No sound. As he searched about, he spotted a railroad beam. He hauled it over to the hole, and shoved it in. No sound. He sat down on the ground, exhausted. Suddenly, he saw a goat running at him, full speed. He leaped up, and it brushed past him, and fell in the hole. He listened, but there was no sound. He sat down again. A few minutes later, a farmer came walking up. The man asked him, "How deep is this hole?" The farmer said, "Oh. Thats the bottomless pit. It never ends. Say, have you seen my prize goat?"
The man, not wanting to get the blame, said, "No." The farmer said, "Oh well. He can't get far. He was tied to a railroad beam."
Once there was this brunette who was driving her corvette with the wind in her hair.
She looked and she saw a farmer with a flock of sheep so she drove over and asked the farmer "if I can guess how many sheep in you're flock will you give me a sheep."
The farmer says "OK".
The brunette says "485".
The farmer says "that's right but if I can guess you're natural hair color can I have my sheep back".
The brunette says "OK".
The farmer says "blonde".
The brunette says how did you know.
The farmer says you just picked the dog.
What's the hardest part of milking a mouse?
→ Getting it to fit over a bucket!
Why did the unwashed chicken cross the road twice?
→ Because he was a dirty double crosser!
What do you call a sleeping bull?
→ A bulldozer!
What has two legs and flies?
→ A pig!
What do you get if you cross a cow with an octopus?
→ A cow that can milk itself!
Why did the farmer call his pig 'Ink'?
→ Because he kept running out of the pen!
What do you get from an Alaskan cow?
→ Cold cream!
What game do cows play at parties?
→ Moosical chairs!
Why is it called a 'herd' of cattle?
→ Well, have you 'herd' the sound they make!
Why was the lamb told off for being rude?
→ He would not say 'thank ewe' to his mum!
Why did the dirty chicken cross the road?
→ For some fowl purpose!
How do sheep keep warm in winter?
→ Central bleating!
How do chickens dance?
→ Chick to chick!
What do you call a crazy chicken?
→ A cuckoo-cluck!
What do you call a bull who tells jokes?
→ Laugh-a-bull!
What do you get if you cross a cow, a sheep and a goat?
→ The milky baa kid!
What is a duck's favorite dance?
→ The quackstep!
Which dance will a chicken not do?
→ The foxtrot!
What do you get if you cross a sheep with a kangaroo?
→ A woolly jumper!
What do you call the story of The Three Little Pigs?
→ A pigtail!
Where do cows go on a Saturday night?
→ To the moo-vies!
If you had fifteen cows and five goats what would you have?
→ Plenty of milk!
Why did the baby turkey bolt down his food?
→ Because he was a little gobbler!
Why did the starstruck chicken cross the road?
→ To see Gregory Peck!
What kind of tie does a pig wear?
→ Pig's tie!
What is another name for a cow?
→ A lawn-mooer!
Why did the Roman chicken cross the road?
→ Because she was afraid someone would caesar!
What do you call a pig thief?
→ A hamburglar!
Where does a woodsman keep his pigs?
→ In a hog cabin!
What is the slowest racehorse in the world?
→ A clotheshorse!
Why do pigs never recover from illness?
→ Because you have to kill them before you cure them!
What do you call a pig who's been arrested for dangerous driving?
→ A road hog!
What do you call sheep that live together?
→ Pen friends!
What do you call a chicken in a shellsuit?
→ An egg!
What kind of things does a farmer talk about when he is milking cows?
→ Udder nonsense!
What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?
→ Use a cowculator!
What did the baby chick say when he saw his mother sitting on an orange?
→ 'Dad, dad, look what marma-laid'!
What's a cows favorite vegetable?
→ A cowat!
Where do you take sick ponies?
→ To the horsepital!
What do you say if you see a flying pig?
→ 'I see bacon's going up'!
Who tells chicken jokes?
→ Comedihens!
What do you get if you cross pigs with a lot of grapes?
→ A swine gut!
Why did the chicken cross the road at the fairground?
→ To get to the other side!
What did the lovesick bull say to the cow?
→ 'When I fall in love it will be for heifer'!
Why were the hens lying on their backs with their legs in the air?
→ Because eggs were going up!
What do you call a sheep with no legs or head?
→ A cloud!
What do you get if you feed gunpowder to a chicken?
→ An egg-splosion!
