Elderly Jokes — most commented jokes

As migration approached, two elderly vultures doubted they could make the trip south, so they decided to go by airplane.

When they checked their baggage, the attendant noticed that they were carrying two dead raccoons. "Do you wish to check the raccoons through as luggage?" she asked.

"No, thanks," replied the vultures. "They're carrion."

An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard.
The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying XYZ airline." He said that in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally, everyone had gotten off except for this little old lady walking with a cane. She said, "Sonny, mind if I ask you a question?" "Why no, Ma'am," said the pilot, "what is it?" The little old lady said, "Did we land or were we shot down?"

An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard.

The airline had a policy, which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, give a smile, and a "Thanks for flying XYZ airline." He said that in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment, but no one seemed annoyed.

Finally everyone had gotten off except for one little old lady walking with a cane. She approached and asked, conspiratorially, "Sonny, mind if I ask you a question?"

- Why no Ma'am, what is it?

- Did we land or were we shot down?

Fred and his wife Edna went to the state fair every year. Every year Fred would say, "Edna, I'd like to ride in that there airplane." And every year Edna would say, "I know Fred, but that airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars."

One year Fred and Edna went to the fair and Fred said, "Edna, I'm 71 years old. If I don't ride that airplane this year I may never get another chance." Edna replied, "Fred that there airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars."

The pilot overheard them and said, "Folks, I'll make you a deal. I'll take you both up for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say one word, I won't charge you, but if you say one word it's ten dollars."

Fred and Edna agreed and up they go. The pilot does all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word is heard. He does all his tricks over again, but still not a word.

They land and the pilot turns to Fred, "By golly, I did everything could think of to get you to yell out, but you didn't."

Fred replied, "Well, I was gonna say something when Edna fell out, but ten dollars is ten dollars."

What do you call a 100 year old ant?
→ An antique!

Why is it that at class reunions you feel younger than everyone else looks?

Why is it that at class reunions you feel younger than everyone else looks?

A man coughed violently, and his false teeth shot across the room and smashed against the wall. "Oh, dear," he said, "whatever shall I do? I can't afford a new set."
"Don't worry," said his friend. "I'll get a pair from my brother for you."
The next day the friend came back with the teeth, which fitted perfectly.
"This is wonderful," said the man. "Your brother must be a very good dentist."
"Oh, he's not a dentist," replied the friend, "he's an undertaker."

Why did the old lady cover her mouth with her hands when she sneezed?
→ To catch her false teeth.

What happened to the man who put his false teeth in backwards?
→ He ate himself!