Random joke from this category
A man walks into a shoe store, and tries on a pair of shoes. "How do they feel?" asks the sales clerk.
"Well they feel a bit tight," replies the man.
The assistant promptly bends down and has a look at the shoes and at the man's feet. "Try pulling the tongue out," the clerk says.
"Well, theyth sthill feelth a bith tighth." (DOH!)
These "Weird Reference Questions" are from the Library Paraprofessionals Listserv. All of these are real and provide proof that a "better idiot" can be invented.
"Do you have a list of all the books written in the English language?"
"Do you have that book by Rushdie: 'Satanic Nurses'?" (Actual title: "Satanic Verses")
"I was here about three weeks ago looking at a cookbook that cost $39.95. Do you know which one it is?"
"Can you tell me why so many famous Civil War battles were fought on National Park Sites?" hahahaha... what a bone head!
"Do you have any books with photographs of dinosaurs?" hmmm...
I don't recollect any camera-toting cavemen...do you?
"I'm looking for information on carpal tunnel syndrome. I think I'm having trouble with it in my neck." (No...that's your brain miss-firing.)
"I am looking for a list of laws that I can break that would send me back to jail for a couple of months." (I know...how about shooting yourself? That would get you life in prison!)
"I need a color photograph of George Washington." (Ok...hold on... I'll check with the caveman...)
"Is the basement upstairs?" (Asked at First Floor Reference Desk) This one gets the golden stupidity award!
The following are actual statements found in insurance forms where drivers attempted to summarize the details of an accident in the fewest words.
George W. Bush and his veep running mate, Dick Cheney were talking, when George W. said, "I hate all the dumb George W. jokes people tell about me."
Wise Old Cheney, feeling sorry for his old boss kid, said sage-like, "Oh, they are only jokes. There are a lot of stupid people out there. Here, I'll prove it to you."
Now Cheney, to patronize George W, took him outside and hailed a taxi driver.
"Please take me to 29 Nickel Street to see if I'm home," said Cheney.
The cab driver without saying a word drove them to Nickel Street, and when they finally got out, Cheney looked at George W. and said, "See! That guy was really stupid!"
"No kidding," replied George W. "There was a pay phone just around the corner...
You could have called instead?"
Lets face it, there are a lot of dumb people out there. Sometimes you want to express how stupid they really are and here's how...
Joe was not a very romantic person, and furthermore he was rather stupid. But he wanted to impress his wife, so he took her out for an anniversary dinner and watched the couples around them, following their leads.
He observed the couple next to him. The man lifted a sugar shaker towards his wife's cup and said, "Sugar, sugar?" Joe thought this was great and continued to listen around the dining room.
Another table over Joe observed the following. A man spooned out some honey out of a bowl for his wife and asked, "Honey, honey?"
Again Joe thought this was good stuff.
Finally, he cut off a piece of his meat, stared longingly into his young wife's eyes and said, "Ham, pig?"
These two hunters went moose hunting every year without success.
Finally they came up with a foolproof plan. (emphasis on fool) They got themselves a very authentic cow moose costume and learned the mating call of a cow moose. The plan was to hide in the costume, lure in the bull, then come out of the costume and shoot the bull.
So, they set themselves up on the edge of a clearing, in their costume, and began to give the moose love call. Before too long their call was answered by bull in the forest.
They called again, the bull answered closer to them. They called again, The bull answered, and came crashing out of the forest and into the clearing. As the bulls' pounding hoof beats got closer the guy in front said, "OK, lets get out and get him!"
After a moment, that seemed like an eternity, the guy in the back shouts, "THE ZIPPER IS STUCK, WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO!?!"
The front guy says, "Well, I'm gonna start nibbling grass, but you better start to brace yourself!"
Some men in a pickup truck drove to a lumber yard.
One of the men walked into the office and said, "We need some four-by-twos."
The clerk asked, "You mean two-by-fours, don't you?"
The man said, "I'll go check," and went back to the truck.
He returned shortly and said, "Yeah, I meant two-by-four."
"All right. How long do you need them?"
The customer paused for a moment and said, "I'd better go check."
After a while, he returned to the office and said, "A long time. We're gonna build a house..."
Below are questions that people "actually asked" of Park Rangers around the country, proving once again that there is no known limit to the depths of human stupidity.
(Source: Outside Magazine)
Grand Canyon National Park...
Everglades National Park...
Denali National Park (Alaska)...
Mesa Verde National Park...
Carlsbad Caverns National Park...
Yosemite National Park...
Yellowstone National Park...
The following is a college entrance exam for athletes.
Time Limit: 3 Days.
Write Your Name: (20 point bonus if spelled correctly).
