Drunks — most commented jokes

What are the four food groups?

For bachelors: Fast, Frozen, Junk and Spoiled.
For drinkers: Malt, Hops, Barley and Yeast.
For heavies: Caffeine, Fat, Sugar, Chocolate.

Having arrived at the edge of the river, the fisherman soon realized he had forgotten to bring any bait. Just then he happened to see a little snake passing by who had caught a worm. The fisherman snatched up the snake and robbed him of his worm.

Feeling sorry for the little snake with no lunch, he snatched him up again and poured a little beer down his throat. Then he went about his fishing.

An hour or so later the fisherman felt a tug at his pant leg. Looking down, he saw the same snake with three more worms in his mouth...

MacAndrews was visiting his Irish cousin, O'Bannon. While there he decided to do a bit of fishing. As he sat there on afternoon, his cousin walked by.

"What are ye doing?" asked O'Bannon.

"Fishin'," said MacAndrews.

"Caught anything?"

"Ach, nae a bite,"

"What are ye usin' fer bait?"

"Worms"

"Let me see it," said O'Bannon.

MacAndrews lifted the line from the water and handed it to his cousin.

O'Bannon took out his flask of potcheen and dipped the worm in it. He handed it back to MacAndrews, who cast his line once more. As soon as the worm hit the water, his rod bent over double, the line screaming out.

"Have ye got a bite?" asked O'Bannon.

"No!" shouted MacAndrews, fighting with the rod, "The worm's got a salmon by the throat!"

What do you call a dangerous fish who drinks too much?
→ A beer-a-cuda!

One day a rather inebriated ice fisherman drilled a hole in the ice and peered into the hole and a loud voice said, "There are no fish down there."

He walked several yards away and drilled another hole and peered into the hole and again the voice said, "There's no fish down there."

He then walked about 50 yards away and drilled another hole and again the voice said, "There's no fish down there."

He looked up into the sky and asked, "God, is that you?"

"No, you idiot," the voice said, "it's the rink manager."

Where does an Irish person go on a vacation?
→ A new bar

Three Irishmen, Paddy, Sean and Shamus, were stumbling home late one night and found themselves on the road which led past the old graveyard.

"Come have a look over here," says Paddy, "It's Michael O'Grady's grave, God bless his soul. He lived to the ripe old age of 87."

"That's nothing," says Sean, "here's one named Patrick O'Toole. It says here that he was 95 when he died."

Just then, Shamus yells out, "But here's a fella that died when he was 145 years old!"

"What was his name?" asks Paddy.

Shamus lights a match to see what else is written on the stone marker, and exclaims, "Miles, from Dublin."

How many Australians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
→ One, but you have to pry him off the sheep first.
→ Two - one to say "She'll be right mate" and one to fetch the beers.
→ 16. One to change the bulb and 15 to say "Good on yer, mate!"

A cop pulled up two Irish drunks, and asked the first, "What's your name and address?"

"I'm Paddy O'Day, of no fixed address." The cop turned to the second drunk, and asked the same question. "I'm Seamus O'Toole, and I live in the flat above Paddy."

O'Connell was staggering home with a pint of booze in his back pocket when he slipped and fell heavily.

Struggling to his feet, he felt something wet running down his leg.

"Please, God," he implored, "let it be blood!"