Dirty Jokes — most commented jokes

A young man walked into the local welfare office, marched straight up to the counter and said, "Hi, I hate drawing welfare. I would really rather find a job. The man behind the counter replied, "Your timing is amazing. We've just got a listing from a very wealthy man who wants a chauffeur/bodyguard for his nympho daughter. You'll have to drive around in a big black Mercedes, but the suits, shirts, and ties are provided. Because of the long hours of this job, meals will also be provided. You will also be required to escort the young lady on her overseas holidays. The salary package is $200,000 a year.". The young man said, "You're bullshitting me, man!" The man behind the counter said, "Well, you started it!"

Now I understand what marketing is:You are at a party and you see a very pretty girl. You approach her and tell her: "I am very good in bed". That is Direct Marketing.

You are at a party with a group of friends and you see a very pretty girl. One of your friends approaches her and tells her: "That guy over there is very good in bed". That is Advertising.

You are at a party and you see a very pretty girl. You ask for her phone number. The following day you call her and tell her: "I am very good in bed". That is Telemarketing .

You are at a party and you see a very pretty girl. You recognize her, you approach her and refresh her memory by telling her: "Do you remember how good I am in bed?" That is Customer Relationship Management. You are at a party and you see a very pretty girl. You get up, fix your tie, pour her a drink, open the door for her, pick up her bag when it falls and you tell her: "I am very good in bed". That is Public Relations.

You are at a party and you see a very pretty girl. She approaches you and tells you: "I heard you are very good in bed". That is BRANDING!!

The pretty secretary came in late for work the third day in a row.

The boss called her into his office and said, "Now look Sharon, Iknow we had a wild fling for a while, but that's over. I expectyou to conduct yourself like any other employee around here. The boss pressed on, " Who told you you could come and go as youplease around here ?" Sharon simply smiled, lit up a cigarette, and while exhaling said,...."

My lawyer."

A man comes home with his little daughter, whom he has just takento work. The little girl asks, "I saw you in your office with your secretary. Why do you call her a doll?" Feeling his wife's gaze upon him, the man explains, "Well, honey,my secretary is a very hard-working girl. She types like youwouldn't believe, she knows the computer system and is veryefficient." "Oh," says the little girl, "I thought it was because she closedher eyes when you lay her down on the couch."

Telegram received from ex-employee:"Fuck you. I quit. Strong message to follow."

What is the difference between a toilet and Convienience Store Clerk?

A toilet only has to deal with one asshole at a time.

How do you tell if you're making love to a nurse, a schoolteacher, or an airline stewardess?
→ A nurse says: "This won't hurt a bit." A schoolteacher says, "We're going to have to do this over and over again until we get it right." An airline stewardess says, "Just hold this over your mouth and nose, and breathe normally."

The company president called the chief security guard into his office. "Chuck, we've received a complaint from one of the employees that you are making obscene sexual comments and putting your hands where they don't belong. These unwanted advances will have to stop." Chuck looked down at his feet and mumbled, "I'm sorry, Sir. I won't do it again." The company president said, "I'm sure Ms. Jones will be happy to hear that." Chuck's face lit up. "Ms Jones?!!!! I was afraid that Bob in Accounting was complaining!!!!"

How do you know if your secretary's having a bad day?
→ Her tampon is behind her ear and she can't find her pencil

A man goes to his bank manager and says "I'd like to start a small business how do I go about it?"

The bank manager leans back and clasps his hands together on his gut and replies "Buy a big one and wait"