Random joke from this category
A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open and her right breast hanging out. A policeman approaches her and says:
- Ma'am, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?
She says:
- Why, officer?
- Because your breast is hanging out.
She looks down and says:
- OH MY GOODNESS! I left the baby on the bus again!
A blonde walks into a restaurant to get some lunch, and while she's deciding on what she wants a waitress comes up. The blonde looks up and notices the waitress's name tag on her shirt. "Gee, that's nice. What did you name the other one?"
A depressed young blonde was so desperate that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. When she went down to the docks, a handsome young sailor noticed her tears, took pity on her, and said:
- Look, you've got a lot to live for. I'm off to Europe in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day.
Moving closer, he slipped his arm around her shoulder and added:
- I'll keep you happy, and you'll keep me happy.
The girl nodded 'yes.' After all, what did she have to lose? That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a life-boat. From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and they made passionate love until dawn. Three weeks later, during a routine search, she was discovered by the captain.
- What are you doing here? - the Captain asked.
- I have an arrangement with one of the sailors - the blonde explained.
- He's taking me to Europe, and he's screwing me.
- He sure is, lady... This is the Staten Island Ferry!
Why did the blonde have a sore belly button?
→ Her boyfriend was also blonde.
A blonde girl just stepped into the bathtub when the doorbell rang.
- Who is it?
- Blind man - came the response.
Feeling charitable, the blonde dashed from the tub without bothering to put on any clothes, grabbed her purse, and opened the door. The man's jaw dropped and he stammered:
- Wh-where do you want me to put these blinds, lady?
A man walks into a bar and sits down next to a beautiful blonde.
- I just got this amazing watch - he tells her. It can reads alpha waves, and can tell me what a person is thinking.
- What does it say about me? - asked the blonde.
- It says you want to sleep with me.
- Sorry - said the blonde - I think your watch is broken.
- Hmmm - said the man slowly examining the watch. It seems to be running an hour fast...
A guy goes into a bar and seats himself next to a hot looking woman. After a few drinks he musters the courage to talk to her. After a few more drinks and a little conversation he leans over to the woman and asks:
- Can I smell your Pussy?
The woman is outraged and answers with a stern:
- Of course not!
The drunk man replies.......
- Oh, then it must be your feet.
A rather attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the bartender who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face close to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his beard which is full and bushy.
- Are you the manager? - she asked, softly stroking his face with both hands.
- Actually, no, - he replied.
- Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him, - she said, running her hands up beyond his beard and into his hair.
- I'm afraid I can't, - breathes the bartender, clearly in trouble.
- Is there anything I can do?
- Yes there is. I need you to give him a message, - she continues huskily, popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.
- Tell him that there is no toilet paper in the ladies room.
A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively:
- Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?
To which she responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs:
- No, I won't sleep with you tonight!
Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table. After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says:
- I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations.
To which he responds, at the top of his lungs:
- What do you mean $200!!!
A rather confident man walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, then casually looks at his watch for a moment. The woman notices this and asks:
- Is your date running late?
- No, - he replies.
- I just bought this state-of-the-art watch and I was just testing it.
The intrigued woman says:
- A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it?
- It uses alpha waves to telepathically talk to me, - he explains.
- What's it telling you now? - she asked.
- Well, it says you're not wearing any panties. - he said.
The woman giggles and replies:
- Well it must be broken then because I am wearing panties!
The man explains:
- Damn thing must be an hour fast.
