Dirty Jokes — most commented jokes

How does a blond turn on the light after sex?
→ She opens the car door.

How does a blonde like her eggs in the morning?
→ Fertilized.

Three blondes are sitting on a park bench eating ice cream cones. One is sucking hers, one is biting hers, one is licking hers. Which one is married?
→ The one with the wedding ring, YOU SICK-O!

A blonde and a redhead were sitting together having drinks, when the blonde noticed a man walking towards them with an arm full of long stem red roses.

The blonde says to the redhead:

- isn't that your husband coming carrying all those roses?

The redhead says, yes it is.

The blonde responds by saying:

- Oh you are so lucky.

The redhead says:

- No I'm not. All that means is that I have to spend the whole week-end flat on my back, with my legs in the air and spread apart.

The blonde says:

- Oh my, don't you have a vase to put them in?

A blonde guy was sitting in a bar when he spots a very pretty young woman. He advances towards her when the bartender says to him:

- Don't waste your time on that one. She's a lesbian.

The blonde goes over to her anyway and says:

- So which part of Lesbia are you from?

At a paternity trial, the blonde's lawyer asked:

- On the night of July 16th last, at approximately 11:45 p.m., in the locale known generally as 'Lover's Lane,' did the defendant have sexual relations with you?

- Yes - whispered the girl, her head bowed.

- And did the defendant on that occasion, to the best of your knowledge, have a climax? - the lawyer continued.

- Oh no - she replied.

- I'm pretty sure... he had one of them fancy Mitsubishis.

Two Blonde men were in the woods hunting. One looked at the other and said:

- I've got to take a crap.

The other said:

- Well go behind one of those big trees, and crap.

The first one said:

- But I don't have any paper to wipe my ass.

The other blonde replied:

- You have a dollar, don't you?

The first one said:

- Yeah, I've got a dollar. That's a great idea-- I'll use that!

He left and came back with crap all over his hands and clothes.

His friend looked at him and asked:

- What in the hell happened to you?

The first one replied:

- Have you ever tried to wipe your ass with 3 quarters, 2 dimes, and a nickel?

How does a blonde have safe sex?
→ She locks the car door.

A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open and her right breast hanging out. A policeman approaches her and says:

- Ma'am, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?

She says:

- Why, officer?

- Because your breast is hanging out.

She looks down and says:

- OH MY GOODNESS! I left the baby on the bus again!

A blonde and a brunette were taking the elevator to the lobby from the 25th floor. On the 23rd floor, a great looking man with ruffled hair gets into the elevator. The women exchange a look acknowledging just how good looking this man is. The man gets off the elevator on the 12th floor. The women watch him exit the elevator. The brunette turns to the blonde and says, "God was he good looking, but someone ought to give him some head." To which the blonde replies, "How do you give Shoulders?"