Computer Jokes — most commented jokes

- I've been e-mailing William Shakespeare.

- William Shakespeare's dead, silly.

- No wonder he hasn't replied.

Two fonts walk into a line dance club. The barman says to them, "Get out. We don't serve your type here."

A computer geek goes to prison for fraud, they put him in a cell with a 300LB guy,

Having heard what happens to geeks in prison and being nervous he figures he had better introduce himself, He extends his hand and says with a quivering voice, Hi my name is John Smith.

The big guy who actually is a nice guy extends his and says my name is Turner Brown.

The geek passes out.

The big guy fans him and brings him too.

Why did you pass out he asked?

The geek replies, what did you say your name was?

Turner Brown he replies.

Oh God the geek says I thought you said "TURN AROUND".

What do you get if you cross a cow, a french fry, and a sofa?
→ A cowch potato!

How can you identify a computer that has been in use at the Clinton White House?
→ There is White-out on the screen.

A mother was teaching her 3-year-old the Lord's prayer. For several evenings at bedtime she repeated it after her mother. One night she said she was ready to solo. The mother listened with pride as she carefully enunciated each word, right up to the end of the prayer. "Lead us not into temptation," she prayed, "but deliver us some E-mail, Amen."

There are three beggars begging on Wall Street.

The first beggar wrote "Beggar" on his broken cup. He received $10.00 after one day.

The next day, the second beggar wrote "Beggar.com" on his cup. After one day, he received hundreds of thousands of dollars and an offer to float an IPO on NASDAQ.

The following day, the third beggar wrote "e-Beg" on his cup.

Microsoft, IBM, and HP sent corporate vice-presidents to talk to him about strategic alliances and offered him free hardware consultancy. In addition, it was reported on CNBC that e-Beg uses 95% Oracle technology and that I2 announced the launch of BegTradeMatrix; a b2b industry portal offering supply chain integration in the beggar community.

A fellow had just been hired as the new CEO of a large high tech corporation. The CEO who was stepping down met with him privately and presented him with three numbered envelopes. "Open these if you run up against a problem you don't think you can solve," he said.

Well, things went along pretty smoothly, but six months later, sales took a downturn and he was really catching a lot of heat. About at his wit's end, he remembered the envelopes. He went to his drawer and took out the first envelope. The message read, "Blame your predecessor." The new CEO called a press conference and tactfully laid the blame at the feet of the previous CEO. Satisfied with his comments, the press -- and Wall Street -- responded positively, sales began to pick up and the problem was soon behind him.

About a year later, the company was again experiencing a slight dip in sales, combined with serious product problems. Having learned from his previous experience, the CEO quickly opened the second envelope. The message read, "Reorganize." This he did, and the company quickly rebounded.

After several consecutive profitable quarters, the company once again fell on difficult times. The CEO went to his office, closed the door and opened the third envelope. The message said, "Prepare three envelopes."

Have you seen the bus website?
→ Yes - it's just the ticket!

How do you know if a blonde has been sending e-mail?
→ You see a bunch of envelopes stuffed into the disk drive.