Blonde Jokes — most commented jokes

A young woman said to her doctor, "You have to help me, I hurt all over!"

"What do you mean?" said the doctor.

The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled, "Ow, that hurts." Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled, "Ouch! That hurts, too." Then she touched her right earlobe. "Ow, even THAT hurts!"

The doctor asked the woman, "Are you a natural blonde?"

"Why yes," she said.

"I thought so," said the doctor. "You have a sprained finger."

A brunette walks over to her Blonde friends home and finds her crying. "What happened...why are you crying?"

The Blonde tells her that her mother has passed away.

The neighbor makes her some coffee, comforts her and then leaves.

The next day the neighbor goes back over to the house and finds the blonde crying again.

Once again, she asks her why she was crying?

This time the blonde replies hysterically... "I just got off of the phone with my sister, her mother died too!"

The top 10 inventions by Blondes:

1. The water-proof towel
2. Solar powered flashlight
3. Submarine screen door
4. A book on how to read
5. Inflatable dart board
6. A dictionary index
7. Ejector seat in a helicopter
8. Powdered water
9. Pedal-powered wheel chair
10. Water-proof tea bag

A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.

After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!"

The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!"

Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.

Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home, when he spots the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a huge 9 foot alligator swimming quickly toward her.

She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank. Laying nearby were several more of the dead creatures.

The shopkeeper watches in amazement. Just then the blonde flips the alligator on it's back, and frustrated, shouts out, "Damn it, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!!!"

A Blonde walks into a Restaraunt, and she goes straight to the bulletin board in the back. She looks at the bulletin board and sees a piece of paper that sais "Ocean Cruise Only 5$".

She pulls the piece of paper off the wall and goes to the address listed on the back of paper. She walks into the building and hands the secretary the piece of paper.

The secretary nods and asks if she had the five dollars. The blonde nods and pulls five dollars out of her pocket and hands it to the secretary.

The secretary looks over to a burly black guy reading a news paper. She nods to the black guy. He stands up and knocks the blonde unconcious.

When the blonde wakes up, she's tied to a log and is floating down river. She started to think that this was a bad idea, when all of a sudden she sees one of her friends, (who is also blonde) tied to a log floating right next to her.

The blonde she looks at her freind and says "So do you think they're going to serve us some food on this trip?"

And the other blonde replies "They didn't serve any last year?"

A blonde went to the emergency room with the tip of her left index finger blown off.

- How did this happen?

- Well I was trying to commit suicide.

- Trying to commit suicide by shooting your finger?

- No silly! First I put the gun to my chest and I thought, "I just paid $6,000 for these," then I put it in my mouth and I thought, "I just paid $4,000 to get my teeth straightened."

- So then I put the gun in my ear and I thought, "this is going to make a loud noise," so I put my finger in my ear before I pulled the trigger?

A blonde goes to a doctor and tells him that both her ears are burnt.

- Sit down and tell me how it happened.

- Well, I was ironing my clothes when I received a phone call, and instead of picking the phone, I picked up the iron and burnt my ear!

- Okay, I see... But that's one ear - what about the other?

- They called again!!

Did you hear about the blonde coyote?
→ Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck.

Did you hear about the blonde who stood in front of a mirror with her eyes closed?
→ She wanted to see what she looked like asleep.

How can you tell if a blonde is a good cook?
→ She gets the pop tart out of the toaster in one piece.

How did the blonde try to kill the bird?
→ She threw it off a cliff.

How do blonde brain cells die?
→ Alone.

How do you get a blonde to marry you?
→ Tell her she's pregnant.

What will she ask you?
→ "Is it mine?"

What are the worst six years in a blonde's life?
→ Third grade.

What did the blonde get on her IQ test?
→ Saliva.

What do you call 15 blondes in a circle?
→ A dope ring.

What do you call a blonde golfer with an IQ of 125?
→ A foursome.

What do you call a blonde in a black leather jacket?
→ A rebel without a clue!

What do you call a blonde skeleton in the closet?
→ Last year's hide and seek champ.

What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
→ Pregnant.

What do you call a blonde with 90% of her intelligence gone?
→ Divorced.

What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head?
→ A space invader.

What do you call a really smart blonde?
→ A golden retriever.

What does a blonde say during a porno?
→ There I am!!

What does the postcard from a blonde's vacation say?
→ Having a wonderful time. Where am I?

What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimer's disease?
→ Her IQ goes up.

What is every blonde's ambition in life?
→ To be like Vanna White and learn the alphabet.

What is the blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears?
→ Trying to hold on to a thought.

What is the mating call of the blonde?
→ "I'm "sooo" drunk!"

What is the mating call of the ugly blonde?
→ (Screaming) "I said: I'm drunk!"

Why are there so few blonde pharmacists?
→ They have a hard time getting the pill bottles into the typewriter!

Why can't blondes make ice cubes?
→ They always forget the recipe.

Why did the blonde resolve to have only three children?
→ Because she heard that one child out of every four born was Chinese.

Why do all blondes all have a dimple on their chin and a flat forehead?
→ Finger on chin-I don't know. Hits forehead-Oh I get it!

Why do blondes have little holes all over their faces?
→ From eating with forks.

Why do blondes have see-through lunch box lids?
→ So that when they're on the train they can tell if they're going to work or coming home.

Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
→ Because that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables.

Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every month?
→ Because it says on the box: "good for up to 20 pounds."

Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
→ You can park in the handicap zone.