Blonde Jokes — most commented jokes

When the milkman read the note he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 1.5 gallons, so knocked on the door to clarify the point.

The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your note to leave 15 gallons of milk. Did you mean 15 gallons or 1.5 gallons?" The blonde said, "I want 15 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath to make me more attractive." The milkman replied, "Oh, OK. Pasteurized?" The blonde looked at the milkman with a confused look on her face and said...

"No. Just up to my boobs."

THOR, the God of Love wakes up the morning after the orgy.

As he sits up, stretches and looks around, he sees a beautiful, shapely, young blonde standing in the doorway.

He walks over and says - "Good morning, I'm THOR"!

She looks back at him with blue eyes and a comely smiles and says - YOUR THOR...

I'M SO THOR I CAN'T PITH!

A man is driving down a country road, when he spots a farmer standing in the middle of a huge field of grass. Of course the famer is a blonde. :) He pulls the car over to the side of the road and notices that the farmer is just standing there, doing nothing, looking at nothing.

The man gets out of the car, walks all the way out to the farmer and asks him, "Ah excuse me mister, but what are you doing?"

The farmer replies, "I'm trying to win a Nobel Prize."

"How?" asks the man, puzzled.

"Well, I heard they give the Nobel Prize to people who are out standing in their field!"

Two bowling teams, one of all Blondes and one of all Brunettes, charter a double-decker bus for a weekend bowling tournament in Atlantic City.

The Brunette team rides in the bottom of the bus.

The Blonde team rides on the top level.

The Brunette team down below is whooping it up having a great time, when one of them realizes she doesn't hear anything from the Blondes upstairs.

She decides to go up and investigate. When the Brunette reaches the top, she finds all the Blondes frozen in fear, staring straight-ahead at the road, and clutching the seats in front of them with white knuckles.

The Brunette asks, "What the heck's goin' on up here? We're havin' a grand time downstairs!"

One of the Blondes from the second team looks up and says...

"Yeah, but you've got a driver!"

A blonde meets up with a friend as she's picking up her car from the mechanic.

- Everything ok with your car now?

"Yes, thank goodness," the blonde replies.

- Weren't you worried the mechanic might try to rip you off?

- Yeah, but he didn't. I was SO RELIEVED when he told me all I needed was blinker fluid!

One night a Blond Nun was praying in her room when God appeared before her.

"My daughter, you have pleased me greatly. Your heart is full of love for your fellow creatures and your actions and prayers are always for the benefit of others. I have come to you, not only to thank and commend you, but to grant you anything you wish."

"Dear Heavenly Father, I am perfectly happy. I am a bride of Christ. I am doing what I love. I lack for nothing material since the Church supports me. I am content in all ways."

"There must be something you would have of me," said God.

"Well, there is one thing," she said.

"Just name it," said God.

"It's those blond jokes. They are so demeaning to blondes everywhere, not just to me. I would like for blond jokes to stop."

"Consider it done," said God. "Blond jokes shall be stricken from the minds of humans. But surely there is something that I could do just for you."

"There is one thing. But it's really small, and not worth your time," said the nun.

"Name it. Please," said God.

"It's the M&M's," said the nun. "They're so hard to peel!"

Two blondes were planning to rob a bank.

The first blonde had a tendancy to be smarter than the second.

They went over and over their plans for the robbery and finally they headed out to commit the crime. They pulled up in their car in front of the bank. The first blonde says to the second blonde, "Are you SURE you understand the plan?" "Yes!" replied the second blonde. So the second blonde gets out of the passenger side of the car and heads into the bank.

Time passes, and after 10 minutes the second blonde has not returned.

The first blonde gets very nervous.

Finally, out comes the second blonde from the bank dragging the safe behind her by a rope, and seconds behind her comes the guard with his pants down.

"No you idiot! I told you to blow the SAFE and tie-up the GUARD!"

The Rabbi rose with a red face...

"Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the K.K.K. This is a horrible lie and one which a Jewish community cannot tolerate! I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who did this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and our Jewish community."

No one moved.

The Rabbi continued, "Do you not have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel relief. Now stand and confess your transgression!"

Again all was quiet. Slowly a "drop dead" gorgeous blonde with a body that would not stop rose in the third pew. Her head was bowed, and her voice quivered as she spoke.

"Rabbi, there has been a terrible misunderstanding. I never said you were a member of the Klu Klux Klan... I just told a couple of friends that you were a wizard under the sheets."

A blonde walks into the library. She walks up to the counter, SLAMS a book down and screams at the librarian, "This is the WORST book I've ever read!" "It has NO plot and far too many characters!"

The librarian looks up and calmly remarks "So, you're the one who took our phone book..."

A blonde, a brunette, and a red-head where driving down the road, when a cop starts to chase them. They rush off and crash into the side of a barn, they immediately jump out of the car and hide under potatoe sacks. The cop runs in after them, and the first potatoe sack he comes to the brunette is under. He kicks it and the brunette says, "MEEEEOOOOOOW", and the cop says, "Oh! It's just a stupid cat." He then moves to the potatoe sack the red-head is under and kicks it. The red-head replies, "ROOF, ROOF", the cop, angry now, says, "STUPID DOG!!" Then the cop gets to the potatoe sack the blonde is under, he kicks it with great force and the blonde screams, "POOOOOOTAAAAAAATOOOOOOOE!"