At Work — most commented jokes

George Costanza's Tips for Working Hard INever walk down the hall without a document in yourhands. People with documents in their hands look likehardworking employees heading for important meetings. Peoplewith nothing in their hands look like they're heading for thecafeteria. People with a newspaper in their hand look likethey're heading for the toilet. Above all, make sure youcarry loads of stuff home with you at night, thus generatingthe false impression that you work longer hours than you do.

Telegram received from ex-employee:"Fuck you. I quit. Strong message to follow."

What is the difference between a toilet and Convienience Store Clerk?

A toilet only has to deal with one asshole at a time.

The company president called the chief security guard into his office. "Chuck, we've received a complaint from one of the employees that you are making obscene sexual comments and putting your hands where they don't belong. These unwanted advances will have to stop." Chuck looked down at his feet and mumbled, "I'm sorry, Sir. I won't do it again." The company president said, "I'm sure Ms. Jones will be happy to hear that." Chuck's face lit up. "Ms Jones?!!!! I was afraid that Bob in Accounting was complaining!!!!"

How do you know if your secretary's having a bad day?
→ Her tampon is behind her ear and she can't find her pencil

Work Environment:

• (Wise manager) + (Wise employee) = PROFIT
• (Wise manager) + (Dumb employee) = PRODUCTION
• (Dumb manager) + (Wise employee) = PROMOTION
• (Dumb manager) + (Dumb employee) = OVERTIME

How do you get 20 vice presidents in a mini-van?
→ Promote one and watch the other 19 crawl up his ass.

How many managers does it take to change a light bulb?
→ We've formed a task force to study the problem of why light bulbs burn out, and figure out what, exactly, we as supervisors can do to make the bulbs work smarter, not harder.

A man walks up to a woman in his office and tells her that her hair smells nice. The woman immediately goes into her supervisor's office and tells him that she wants to file a sexual harassment suit and explains why. The supervisor is puzzled by this time and says, "What's wrong with the coworker telling you your hair smells nice?"

The woman replies, "He's a midget."

Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done.

Doing the job WRONG fourteen times gives you job security