At Work — most commented jokes

The social worker asked the bartender, "What's the difference between your job and mine?"

The bartender replied: "I only had to go to bartender school for 6 weeks and I learned to mix very good drinks, then wait a couple of hours to have people tell me their innermost thoughts, while you went to school for 6 years, paid thousands and thousands of dollars, sit session after session using technique after technique, and you still may never hear them!!!"

INTERVIEWER to job applicant: "Do you think you could come up with any reason you want this job other than your parents want you out of their house?"

- Boss: "I can assure you that the value of the average employee will continue to increase."

- Employee: "That's because there will be fewer of us doing more work, right?"

- Boss: "Right. Except for the 'us' part."

Boss: "I've decided to use humor in the office. Experts say humor eases tension, which is important in times when the work force is being trimmed. Knock knock."

- Employee: "Who's there?"

- Boss: "Not you anymore."

After being laid off from five different jobs in four months, Arnold was hired by a warehouse. One day he lost control of a forklift and drove it off the loading dock. Surveying the damage, the owner shook his head and said he'd have to withhold ten percent of Arnold's wages to pay for the repairs.

"How much will it cost?" asked Arnold.

"About $4,500," said the owner.

"What a relief!" exclaimed Arnold. "I've finally got job security!"

An American manufacturer is showing his machine factory to a potential customer from Albania. At noon, when the lunch whistle blows, two thousand men and women immediately stop work and leave the building.

"Your workers, they're escaping!" cries the visitor. "You've got to stop them."

"Don't worry, they'll be back," says the American. And indeed, at exactly one o'clock the whistle blows again, and all the workers return from their break.

When the tour is over, the manufacturer turns to his guest and says, "Well, now, which of these machines would you like to order?"

"Forget the machines," says the visitor. "How much do you want for that whistle?"

Kowalski, fresh out of accounting school, went to an interview for a good paying job. The company boss asked various questions about him and his education, but then asked him, "What is three times seven?"

"Twenty-two," Kowalski replied.

After he left, he double-checked it on his calculator (he knew he should have taken it to the interview!) and realized he wouldn't get the job.

About two weeks later, he got a letter that said he was hired for the job! He was not one to look a gift horse in the mouth, but was still very curious.

The next day, Kowalski went in and asked why he got the job, even though he got such a simple question wrong. The boss shrugged and said, "Well, you were the closest."

There was once a high-powered businessman who insisted on taking his three secretaries everywhere with him - a tall one for writing longhand, a short one for taking down shorthand, and a very small one for adding footnotes.

What did the ruthless businessman say to his employees?
→ If at first you don't succeed - you're fired!

Two Italian construction workers were in the field on an extremely hot day working. The one says to the other, "Hey, how come we do all a da work and he gets all a da money?" pointing to the supervisor. The other says, "I don't know, go ask him."

So Guido goes up to the supervisor and says, "Hey, how come we do all a da work and you get all a da money?"

The supervisor says, "Intelligence."

Guido says, "What is this intelligence?"

The supervisor puts his hand on a tree and says, "Hita my hand as hard as you can!"

Guido winds up and with all his might tries to hit the supervisor's hand. Just as he almost does the supervisor pulls his hand away and Guido hits the tree! The supervisor says, "That's intelligence."

Still smarting Guido goes back to his co-worker and his co-worker says, "Hey what did he say?"

With a sheepish look on his face Guido puts his hand on his face and says, "Hita my hand as hard as you can. . ."