At Work — most commented jokes

An Italian, a Scotsman, and a Chinese fellow are hired at a construction site.

The foreman points to a huge pile of sand and says to the Italian guy, "You're in charge of sweeping." To the Scotsman, he says, "You're in charge of shoveling." And to the Chinese guy, "You're in charge of supplies."

The foreman then shrugs his beefy shoulders and says, "Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you guys to make a good dent in that pile of sand by the time I get back."

A few hours later when the foreman returns, he sees that the pile of sand is still untouched.

Pointing to the pile of sand, the forman says to the Italian, "Why didn't you sweep any of it?"

The Italian replies in a heavy accent, "I no gotta broom. You tella the Chinesea guy he inna charge of a supplies, but hea disappeara, and I coulda no finda him!"

Then the foreman turns to the Scotsman and asks, "Didn't I tell you to shovel that sand?"

The Scotsman replies in his heavy brogue, "Aye, ye did, laddie, but I couldna get meself a shovel. Ye left the Chinee in charge of supplies, but I couldna find him!"

The foreman is really angry now and storms off toward the pile of sand, looking for the Chinese guy.

Just then, the Chinese guy springs out from behind the pile of sand and yells, "SUPPLIES!"

Pat and Mick landed themselves a job at a sawmill. Just before morning tea Pat yelled: "Mick! I lost me finger!"

"Have you now?" says Mick. "And how did you do it?"

"I just touched this big spinning thing here like thi...

Darn!
There goes another one!"

Two Newfies landed themselves a job at a saw mill.
Just before morning the one yelled, "Mick! I lost me finger!"

"Have you now?" says Mick. "And how did you do it?"

"I just touched this big spinning thing here... No! There goes another one!"

Four workers were discussing how smart their dogs were. The first was an engineer who said his dog could draw. His dog's name was "T-Square", and he told him to get some paper and draw a square, a circle and a triangle, which he did with no sweat.

The accountant said he thought his dog, "Balance", could do better.

He told him to fetch a dozen cookies and divide them into piles of three, which he did with no problem.

The chemist said that was a very good stunt, but that his dog, "Apothecary", could do better yet. He told his dog to get a quart of milk and pour seven ounces into a ten ounce glass. Apothecary did this without a hitch.

All three men agreed their dogs were equally smart. They turned to the Civil Servant and asked him what his dog could do. The Civil Servant called his dog, whose name was "Coffee break", and said, "Show the fellows what you can do, old buddy." Coffee Break then strolled over and ate the cookies, drank the milk, shit on the paper, screwed the other three dogs and claimed he injured his back while doing so. He then filed a grievance for unsafe conditions, applied for Workers' Compensation, and left for home on sick leave.

A local business was looking for office help.
They put a sign in the window, stating the following: "HELP WANTED. Must be able to type, must be good with a computer and must be bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer."
A short time afterwards, a dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign and went inside.
He looked at the receptionist and wagged his tail, then walked over to the sign, looked at it and whined.

Getting the idea, the receptionist got the office manager. The office manager looked at the dog and was surprised, to say the least. However, the dog looked determined, so he lead him into the office. Inside, the dog jumped up on the chair and stared at the manager. The manager said, "I can't hire you. The sign says you have to be able to type."

The dog jumped down, went to the typewriter and proceeded to type out a perfect letter. He took out the page and trotted over to the manager and gave it to him, then jumped back on the chair. The manager was stunned, but then told the dog, "The sign says you have to be good with a computer."

The dog jumped down again and went to the computer. The dog proceeded to enter and execute a perfect program, that worked flawlessly the first time.

By this time the manager was totally dumb-founded! He looked at the dog and said, "I realize that you are a very intelligent dog and have some interesting abilities. However, I still can't give you the job."

The dog jumped down and went to a copy of the sign and put his paw on the sentences that told about being an Equal Opportunity Employer.

The manager said, "Yes, but the sign also says that you have to be bilingual".

The dog looked at the manager calmly and said, "Meow".

How many nurses does it take to screw in a light bulb?
→ None - They just have a nursing assistant do it.

How many triage nurses does it take to change a light bulb?
→ One, but the bulb will have to spend four hours in the waiting room.

How many nurses does it take to change a light bulb?
→ None, they just have a nursing assistant do it.
→ As much as the doctor orders.

Did you hear about the nurse who died and went straight to hell?
→ It took her two weeks to realize that she wasn't at work anymore!

The nurse who can smile when things go wrong is probably going off duty.