Animal Jokes — most commented jokes

Why did God give deers eyes?
→ I have no eye-deer!

You know that Storks bring babys of course.
What kind of bird definitely does not bring babys?
→ Swallows!

How can you tell when an elephant has been in your refrigerator?
→ Footprints in the butter!

One fall day, Dave was out raking leaves when he noticed a hearse going down the street, followed by another hearse, followed by a man walking solemnly along, followed by a dog, and then about 200 men walking in single file.

Intrigued, Dave went up to the man following the second hearse and asked who was in the first one:

- My wife - the man replied.

- I'm sorry - said Dave.

- What happened to her?

- My dog bit her and she died.

Dave was taken aback.

- And who's in the second hearse?

- My mother-in-law. My dog bit her too and she died as well.

Dave asked:

- Can I borrow your dog?

- Get in line.

So, this penguin goes into a bar and says to the barman "have you seen my brother?"... and the barman says "I don't know, what does he look like?" (ba-dum-tish)

3 elderly gentlemen were sitting on a park bench discussing what the meanest animal in the world was.

The first said:

- The meanest animal in the world is a Hippopotamus, cause it's got such big jowls. One bite and your gone.

The second shook his head and said:

- Nah, hippo may be mean, but ain't nothing meaner than an alligator. He got a big mouth and all them teeth, snap ?, one bite, ha, one swallow, you gone.

The third gentleman sat for a moment, and finally he spoke and said:

- No sir, the meanest aninmal in the world is a hippagator.

The other two in disbelief inquired as to what in the world is a hippagator, believing there was no such animal.

The gentleman slowly began to explain:

- A hippagator got a hippo head on one end, and an 'gator head on the other

- WAIT ! - interrupted the others.

- If he has a head on both ends, How does he shit ?

The reply was simply:

- He don't, that's what makes him so mean.

What did the lion say when he saw two hunters in a jeep?
→ Meals on Wheels!

One night, at a party, The host asked his guests:

- How many here believe in ghosts?

Everyone put up their hand.

- How many have seen ghosts?

A lot of people put up their hand.

- How many have touched a ghost?

Five people put up their hands.

- How many have had sex with a ghost?

One person put up their hand.

- Well then - said the host.

- why don't you come up here and tell us all about it.

The man walked up.

- So, how was your night with the ghost? - asked the host.

- Ghost? - Said the man.

- Sorry, I thought you said goat.

Little miss muffet... sat on her tuffet... eating her kurds and way.

Along came a spider, who sat down beside her, and said:

- hey, whatsin the bowl bitch?!

What kind of cereal do cats eat?
→ Mice Crispies!