Animal Jokes — most commented jokes

Why did the rabbit cross the road?
→ Chicken's day off!

Why was the bee flying around with his legs crossed?
→ He couldn't find a BP station!

What goes 99 click?
→ A centipede with a wooden leg.

If there was an animal called Yabba Dabba, and if you decided keep it as a pet it your back yard, you will eventually step in Yabba Dabba Doo!

What's the difference between the dinosaur and a dragon...?
→ Dinosaurs are too young to SMOKE!

At the edge of the forest there was a somewhat mediocre wizard. He is there to help the animals of the forest with some of their daily problems. One day a toad hops in.

The toad says:

- Oh wizard, please help me. I was born with a yellow penis.

- I've told you animals, I can't help you with any big problems - responds the wizard.

- You'll have to go see the Wizard of Oz.

So the toad hops off on his merry little way. But in not too long an elephant enters the wizards pad.

- Oh wizard, please help me. I was born without a trunk - the elephant begins.

Now the wizard is infuriated:

- Don't you stupid animals ever listen!!! Take your damn big problems to the wizard of Oz!

The elephant responds:

- But, wizard how do I get to the Wizard of Oz?

- Oh that's easy - says the wizard.

- Just follow the yellow dicked toad!

A chicken and a horse were playing in a meadow. The horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him to safety. The chicken runs to the farmer but the farmer cannot be found. So she drives the farmer's BMW back to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper. She then throws the other end of the rope to her friend, the horse, and drives the car forward saving him from sinking. A few days later the chicken and the horse were playing in the meadow again and the chicken fell into the mud hole. The chicken yelled to the horse to go and get some help from the farmer. The horse said:

- No, I think I can stand over the hole.

So he stretched his legs over the width of the hole and said:

- grab for my 'thingy' and pull yourself up.

So the chicken grabbed hold of the horse's "thingy" and pulled herself to safety.

The moral of the story: If you're hung like a horse, you don't need a BMW to pick up chicks!

A snail goes into a bar and orders a beer.

The barman says:

- Sorry we don't serve snails - and throws him out.

A couple of weeks later the snail goes into the bar again and says...:

- What did you do that for!

There was this blonde girl who had gotten fed up with blonde jokes, so she decided to dye her hair black.

So she did, and she was sooooo happy with it that she went to her car and drove around just to show off her new look. She was coming up to this intersection when she saw a shepeherd by the road waiting to cross with his flock of lambs. The girl stopped and waved him to pass.

While the flock was crossing the road, she asked the shepherd:

- If I can guess how many sheep you got there, would you give me one?

He thought about the offer for a minute and decided it was ok. The girl looked at the flock and exclaimed:

- 487. The shepherd said:

- WOW! That's right...well...take any sheep you like...a deal's a deal. So she gets the animal and happily puts him in the back of her car, when the shepehrd says:

- WAIT!

Now I have a deal for you.... if I guess the real color of your hair can I have my dog back?

What do you get when you cross a fish and an elephant?
→ SWIMMING TRUNKS !!!