Most commented jokes

Do you know what happens if you don't pay your exorcist?
→ You get repossessed!

What is white and flies across the sky?
→ The coming of the Lord.

The Pope calls a meeting of all the cardinals. When they have all assembled at the Vatican, he takes them into the meeting hall and states:

- I have some really fantastic news and some very terrible news.

Of course, all the cardinals want to hear the good news first, so the Pope tells them:

- Jesus Christ has returned to the world. The time of judgement is at hand, and our faith in his existence is justified.

After the commotion dies down a bit, one of the cardinals speaks up, asking what the terrible news is. The Pope replies:

- He was calling from Salt Lake City.

May the fleas of a thousand camels infest the crotch of the person who screws up your day and may their arms be too short to scratch.

Amen

There are three religious truths:

1. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
2. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith.
3. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at Hooters

The girl knelt in the confessional and said:

- Bless me, Father, for I have sinned.

- What is it, child?

- Father, I have committed the sin of vanity. Twice a day I gaze at myself in the mirror and tell myself how beautiful I am.

The priest turned, took a good look at the girl, and said:

- My dear, I have good news. That isn't a sin... it's simply a mistake.

There was a cowboy who went to the outhouse. He heard some noise, so he looked inside, and lo and behold there was an Indian down in the hole.

- How long have you been down there? - the cowboy said.

- Many moons - the Indian replied.

A guy was in a bar, and asked for some milk. So in turn a pregnant topless dancer got on the bar and squeezed the milk out of her tits. He looked at this and said to himself, "I would hate to see how they give out bloody Mary's."

An eminent teacher and thinker once expressed his philosophy of life succinctly. "When it all boiled down to the essence of truth," the philosopher said, "one just live by a dog's rule of life: If you can't eat it or fuck it, piss on it!!!"

The new FDA milk labeling rules are so strict, it's now illegal to print a picture of a missing fat kid on a carton of skim milk.