Most commented jokes

Rabbi Stern rides his bike down the road, when a truck careens around the corner, out of control, and broadsides the Rabbi.

Father Flannery watches this event unfold, and as he runs toward the Rabbi, he notices that Rabbi Stern first touches his forehead, then his stomach, then each shoulder. As Father Flannery reaches the Rabbi, he kneels and makes the sign of the cross himself.

- Rabbi, I notice that you crossed yourself after getting up from the accident. It's a miracle, must be! Have you seen the light? Do you believe, man?

- Aw, heck no! - replied Rabbi Stern - I was just checking.

- Checking? Checking for what?

Rabbi Stern begins the ritual again, and follows each movement with:

- Spectacles... Testicles... Wallet... Watch!

Way down in the deep south, in an area known as the 'Bible Belt,' there lived a Baptist minister with a very large congregation. One morning, after a particularly moving sermon, he announced:

- Friends I have been hearing very nasty rumors!

The crowd fell into an expectant silence. The Minister continued:

- One of you, here among us, has been reporting that I am a member of the dreaded 'Klu Klux Klan.' This, of course, is not true! I am asking that the guilty party confess and apologize now - right here - before my flock of loyal followers.

A young woman quickly stood up blushing and trembling and pled:

- Preacher, please, I don't know how this all came to be. I just mentioned to one of my close friends that you were a wizard under the sheets.

What do you get when you cross Holy Water with castor oil?
→ A religious movement!

What's black and white and red all over?
→ A nun in a car accident.

What's the fastest way to get a nun pregnant?
→ Dress her up as an altar boy.

What was the first thing Adam said to Eve?
→ "Stand back .... I don't know how big this thing is going to grow !"

The Pope took a philosophy professor (an atheist at that) out fishing on a large lake. As they drifted on the still lake, the philosopher accidentally dropped an oar and watched it float away. The pontiff stepped out of the boat, walked across the water to the oar, grabbed it and walked back to the boat. The next day at the university, a colleague asked the philosopher if he had enjoyed fishing with the Pope. "It was okay, but would you believe that guy can't swim?"

A pastor in Maine skipped services one Sunday to go bear hunting.

Along the trail he turned a corner and collided with a bear. The pastor stumbled, backwards, slipped off the trail, and began tumbling down the mountain, the bear in hot pursuit. Finally the pastor crashed into a bolder, breaking both his legs and sending his rifle flying through the air, just out of his reach.

As the bear closed in, the pastor cried out:

- Lord, I'm sorry for what I have done. Please forgive me and save me! - Lord please make this bear a Christian

Suddenly the bear skipped to a halt at the pastor's feet, fell to it's knees, clasped it's paws together, began to weep and said:

- God bless this food which I am about to receive!

God created the mule, and told him:

- you will be Mule, working constantly from dusk to dawn, carrying heavy loads on your back. You will eat grass and you lack intelligence. You will live for 50 years.

The mule answered:

- To live like this for 50 years is too much. Please, give me no more than 20.

And it was so.

Then God created the dog, and told him:

- you will hold vigilance over the dwellings of Man, to him you will be his greatest companion. You will eat his table scraps and live for 25 years.

And the dog responded:

- Lord, to live 25 years as a dog is too much. Please, no more than 10 years.

And it was so.

God then created the monkey, and told him:

- You are Monkey. You shall swing from tree to tree, acting like an idiot. You will be funny, and you shall live for 20 years.

And the monkey responded:

- Lord, to live 20 years as the clown of the world is too much. Please, Lord, give me no more than 10 years.

And it was so.

Finally, God created Man and told him:

- You are Man, the only rational being that walks the earth. You will use your intelligence to have mastery over the creatures of the world. You will dominate the earth and live for 20 years.

And the man responded:

- Lord, to be Man for only 20 years is too little. Please, Lord, give me the 20 years the mule refused, the 15 years the dog refused, and the ten years the monkey rejected.

And it was so.

And so God made Man to live 20 years as a man, then marry and live 20 years like a mule working and carrying heavy loads on his back. Then, he is to have children and live 15 years as a dog, guarding his house and eating the leftovers after they empty the pantry then, in his old age, to live 10 years as a monkey, acting like a clown to amuse his grandchildren.

A Lutheran minister is driving down to New York to see the radio show and he's stopped in Connecticut for speeding. The state trooper smells alcohol on his breath and then he sees an empty wine bottle on the floor, and he says:

- Sir, have you been drinking?

And the minister says:

- Just water.

The sheriff says:

- Then why do I smell wine?

And the minister looks down at the bottle and says:

- Good Lord, He's done it again!