Most commented jokes

A man walks into a bar and orders a triple scotch.

The barman gives it to him and he gulps in down in one swoop.

- Hey buddy, you must be having it rough. Whats up with you? - says the bartender.

- Well, I got home early from work last night and found my wife and my best friend in bed with each other!

- Thats terrible pal, the next drink is on the house.

So the bartender gives him another tripple scotch and again he gulps it down.

- If you don't mind me asking, what did you say to your wife?

- I told her I've had enough and I want a divorce!

- Good for you! You said the right thing. So what did you say to your best friend?

- Well, I walked up to him, looked him straight in the eyes and said... ...

BAD DOG!

Famous interpretations of "Why did the Chicken cross the road?"

Bill Clinton: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken, please...

Louis Farrakhan: The road, you will see, represents the black man.
The chicken crossed the "black man" in order to trample him down!

Colonel Sanders: I missed one?

L.A Poliece Department: Give us five minutes with the chicken, and we'll find out.

Jerry Falwell: Because the chicken was gay! isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the other side. thats what "they" call it: the "other side". Yes, my friends the chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too!

Ronald Regan: What Chicken?

Saddam Hussein: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion, and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it!

ROBERT DE NIRO: Are you telling me the chicken crossed that road? Is that what you're telling me?

Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain.

Marting Luther King, Jr.: I envision a world where all chickens, be they black or white or brown or red or speckled, will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

Grandpa: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

Aristotle: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

Karl Marx: It was a historical inevitability.

Captain James T. Kirk: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

Fox Mulder: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it's true?

Freud: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity. How do you feel about your mother?

Bill Gates: We have just released eChicken 2000, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs (only in the proprietary brown_ms.egg format), file your important documents, and balance your chequebook and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.

The CIA: Who told you about the chicken? Did you see the chicken? There was no chicken. Please step into the car, sir.

Einstein: Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken.

To make this work, do this as fast as you can and don't cheat!

Spell Fort 5 times
Say Fort 4 times
Spell Fort 4 times
Say Sort 3 times
Spell Fort two times
Say Fort once
Quick!...

What do you eat cereal with? (Scroll Down)
→ You're pretty weird...most people use a Spoon! :)

Democrats announced today they are changing their emblem from a donkey to a condom because it more clearly reflects their party's political stance. A condom stands up to inflation, halts production, discourages cooperation, protects a bunch of dicks and gives a sense of security while screwing others.

Did you hear about the Polish guy that locked his keys in his car?
→ Took him an hour using a coat hanger to get his family out.

Why do Polish dogs have flat noses?
→ From chasing parked cars.

What did the Polish mother say when her daughter said she was pregnant?
→ Are you sure it's yours?

You go to a cockfight. How can you identify the Polish guy?
→ He's the one with a duck.

How do you know if an Italian is there?
→ He bet on the duck.

How do you know if the Mafia is there?
→ The duck wins.

In Poland's largest shopping mall, there was a terrible power outage. People were stuck on the escalators for 4 hours!

A 12-year-old boy walks up to his Polish neighbor and says:

- I was looking in your bedroom window last night and I saw you and your wife naked! Nyah, nyah, nyah.

The guy answers:

- The joke's on you, Johnny...

- Nyah, nyah, nyah--I wasn't even home last night!

How do you keep a Polak in suspense?

Two blondes were planning to rob a bank.

The first blonde had a tendancy to be smarter than the second.

They went over and over their plans for the robbery and finally they headed out to commit the crime. They pulled up in their car in front of the bank. The first blonde says to the second blonde:

- Are you SURE you understand the plan?

- Yes! - replied the second blonde. So the second blonde gets out of the passenger side of the car and heads into the bank.

Time passes, and after 10 minutes the second blonde has not returned.

The first blonde gets very nervous.

Finally, out comes the second blonde from the bank dragging the safe behind her by a rope, and seconds behind her comes the guard with his pants down.

- No you idiot! I told you to blow the SAFE and tie-up the GUARD!

After just a few years of marriage, filled with constant arguments, a young man and his wife decided the only way to save their marriage was to try counseling. They had been at each other's throats for some time and felt that this was their last straw.

When they arrived at the counselor's office, the counselor jumped right in and opened the floor for discussion:

- What seems to be the problem?

The wife began talking 90 miles an hour describing all the wrongs within their marriage. After 15 minutes of listening to the wife, the counselor went over to her, picked her up by her shoulders, kissed her passionately for several minutes, and sat her back down. Afterwards, the wife sat there speechless. He looked over at the husband who was staring in disbelief at what had happened. The counselor spoke to the husband:

- Your wife NEEDS that at least twice a week!

The husband scratched his head and replied...

- I can have her here on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

A man is out shopping and discovers a new brand of Olympic condoms.

Clearly impressed, he buys a pack.

Upon getting home he shows his wife the purchase he just made.

- Olympic condoms?, she blurts, What makes them so special?

- They're in three colours, he replies, Gold, Silver and Bronze.

- What colour are you going to wear tonight?, she asks cheekily.

- Gold of course, says the man proudly!

The wife responds wryly:

- Why don't you wear Silver, it would be nice if you came second for a change!

There is a girl walking up the stairs in a church one day.

As the priest is walking by, he looks up and notices that this girl is not wearing any panties.

The Priest calls the girl and gives her $20 and says:

- Little girl, take this money and buy yourself some panties. It's not proper to walk around without any panties on.

The girl goes home and gives the money to her mother and asks her mother to buy panties for her. When the mother asks where the girl got the money, the girl explained what happened.

Upon hearing how the girl got the money, the mother rushes to her room, whips off her panties, and puts on one of her shortest dresses and runs out to the church.

As soon as the mother sees the priest coming, she begins to walk up the stairs. The priest then notices the lady and calls her down.

The woman not wanting to show that she is expecting anything, walks back to the priest very calmly.

The priest hands the lady $1 and says...

- Lady, take this money and for God's sake, go buy yourself a razor!

There's a man in a wheelchair with no arms and no legs sitting by a lake. Several beautiful women are running laps around it and the man decides to use his disability to get affection from one of them. The next time one runs by him, the man calls to her:

- Excuse me Sweetheart, I have no arms and I have no legs. Will you hug me?

She looks around to make sure nobody's watching, leans down, and hugs him.

The man thinks:

- Wow, I can't believe that worked! - and decides to try it again.

Another woman runs by him, and he calls out to her:

- Excuse me Darling, I have no arms and I have no legs. Will you kiss me?

She looks around to make sure nobody is watching, leans down and gives him a kiss.

The man is amazed at how well this is working out for him! The next time a woman runs by, he calls out to her:

- Excuse me Beautiful, I have no arms and I have no legs. Will you f**k me?

The woman looks around to make sure nobody's watching her, leans down, picks the man up out of his chair, throws him in the lake and tells him:

- There... now you're f**ked!