Most commented jokes

What kind of man was Boaz before he married?
→ Ruthless

What do they call pastors in Germany?
→ German Shepherds.

Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?
→ Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.

What was the greatest female financier in the Bible?
→ Pharaoh's daughter. She went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet.

What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?
→ Jehovah drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury.

David's Triumph was heard throughout the land.

Honda, because the apostles were all in one Accord.

Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?
→ Samson. He brought the house down.

What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden?
→ Your mother ate us out of house and home.

Which servant of God was the most flagrant lawbreaker in the Bible?
→ Moses. He broke all 10 commandments at once.

Which area of Palestine was especially wealthy?
→ The area around Jordan. The banks were always overflowing.

Who is the greatest baby-sitter mentioned in the Bible?
→ David. He rocked Goliath to a very deep sleep.

Which Bible character had no parents?
→ Joshua, son of Nun.

A young boy had a job bagging groceries at a supermarket. One day the store decided to install a machine for squeezing fresh orange juice.

The young lad was most intrigued by this machine, and he asked if he could be allowed to work the machine. The manager refused, but the youngster couldn't understand why not.

The store manager explained it to him:

- Sorry, kid, but baggers can't be juicers.

One day a man came home from work to find his wife crying hysterically in the kitchen.

- What's wrong dearest?? - asked the confused husband.

- Oh darling, - sobbed the wife, I was cleaning little Suzie's room when I found whips, handcuffs and chains under her bed, along with a very erotic porn magazine! What ever are we going to do???

- Well, - replied the man...

"I guess a spanking is out of the question?"

I once had a friend who was a renowned clinical psycologist. He used to tell me about all the patients he had seen.

One of the most interesting cases he told me about involved a schizophrenic with multiple personality disorder.

At times this person believed himself to be a temptress in a Bizet opera. At other times he was convinced that he was the head of the German Luftwaffe in WW II.

The concensus of the practitioners was that the poor fellow didn't know if he was Carmen or Goerring...

The last four U.S. Presidents are caught in a tornado in Kansas, and off they spin to the Land of OZ. After threatening trials and tribulations, they finally make it to the Emerald City and come before the Great Wizard.

"WHAT BRINGS YOU BEFORE THE GREAT WIZARD? WHAT DO YOU WANT?"

Jimmy Carter steps forward timidly:

- I had a terrible time with Iran, so I've come for some courage.

- No problem - says the Wizard.

- WHO IS NEXT?

Ronald Reagan steps forward:

- Well.., Well.., Well.., I need a brain.

- Done - says the Wizard.

"Who comes next before the Great Wizard?"

Up steps George Bush sadly:

- I'm told by the American people that I need a heart.

- I've heard it's true - says the Wizard.

- Consider it done.

Then there is a great silence.

Bill Clinton is just standing there, looking around, but doesn't say a word.

Irritated, the Wizard finally asks:

- WHAT BRINGS YOU TO THE EMERALD CITY!?

And Willie replies:

- Is Dorothy around?

IDIOT SIGHTINGS...

Sighting #1: I was at the airport, checking in at the gate, when the airport employee asked:

- Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?

I said:

- If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?

He smiled and nodded knowingly:

- That's why we ask.

Idiot Sighting #2: The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it is safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine, when she asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals to blind people when the light is red. She responded, appalled:

- What on earth are blind people doing driving!

Idiot Sighting #3: At a good-bye lunch for an old and dear coworker who is leaving the company due to "downsizing," our manager spoke up and said:

- this is fun. We should have lunch like this more often,

Not another word was spoken. We just looked at each other like deer staring into the headlights of an approaching truck.

Idiot Sighting #4: I worked with an Individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the life of her could not understand why her system would not turn on.

Idiot Sighting #5: When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told that the keys had been accidentally locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver's side door. As I watched from the passenger's side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered it was open. I announced to the technician:

- Hey, it's open!

- I know - answered the young man.

- I already got that side...

Late one night a couple is driving down a country highway and run over an oppossum.

Knowing that mother oppossums often carry babies in their pouch, they decide to check out this poor animal. Sure enough there was a baby, so they decide to rescue it.

They take it into the car and continue down the road. The little oppossum is scared and squirming around like crazy so the wife asks her husband what she should do?

He thinks for a minute and says:

- Well it's used to being in it's mother's pouch. Maybe if you unbutton your jeans, and put it in "there" it will calm down.

She exclaims:

- I'm not going to do that! That thing is smelly and nasty!

The husband replies:

- Well, why don't you just hold it's little nose!

We painted our floor with luminous paint. So now the florescent what it used to be.

My sister opened a computer store on a beach in Hawaii. She sells C shells by the seashore.

A friend of mine told some jokes about religion and got put on the Sects Offenders List.

A guy turns up at a costume party carrying a woman on his back.

- What are you supposed to be? - asked the host.

- I'm a snail. - he said, Can't you see, I'm carrying Michelle on my back.

Gardeners' playing cards - weed em and reap.

A six-foot termite walks into a bar. He raps on the bar and asks:

- Excuse me...is the bar tender here?

Perforation is a rip-off!

A poor soul worked at a company making blankets. He lost his job when the company folded.

And of course, there was the pillow and mattress manufacturing company that had a problem with staff... Some of them just felt down all the time, and the rest were sleeping on the job.

And don't forget about the telecoms engineer who was committed to an asylum... They said he had too many hang-ups.

Friction. It's such a drag. And gravity sucks too.

Here is a story about a famous food critic's recent visit to Europe last summer. He had a delightful time sampling the cusine in Italy, France and Germany, but he made the mistake of stopping off in London on the way home.

Needless to say, he found English food bland and overcooked. However, one day he had a great meal of fish & chips at a London pub. He asked the manager of the pub if he could have the recipe for the fish and chips.

The manager confessed that he bought his fish and chips from a nearby monestary, and so our critic would have to get the recipe from one of the brothers.

So he quickly ran down the street to the monestary and knocked on the door. When one of the brothers came to the door, he asked him if he were the "Fish Friar."

The brother repiled:

- Nope, I'm the Chip Monk!

Our library has so many books they had to put it in a multi-story building.

I knew a prisoner who crowded his roommates terribly by building a huge aquarium in their room. It was just plain cell-fish of him!

Smoke dynamite... it'll really blow your mind.

Scientists report that dieters lost brain cells as well as body weight. It's a case of think or slim.

My camera is broken. But, I won't have a negative attitude - I'll take it to the repair shop and see what develops. People think I broke it but the crime isn't so black and white. Ah, I get the picture - I'm being framed!

A vampire walks into a bar, and asks for a "Large glass of A-positive blood." The bartender looks him square in the eyes, and says "I'm sorry, but we don't serve your type here!"

Did you hear about the guy who gave narcotics to seagulls?
→ He left no tern unstoned.

If you shake up a can of beer, and spill it on your stove, do you get foam on the range?

My cat got stolen. I think it was taken by a purr snatcher.