How do you get holy water?
→ Boil the hell out of it.
What did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall?
→ "Dam!"
What do prisoners use to call each other?
→ Cell phones
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?
→ A stick
What do you call cheese that isn't yours?
→ Nacho cheese
What do you get from a pampered cow?
→ Spoiled milk
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
→ Frostbite
What has four legs, is big, green, fuzzy and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you?
→ A pool table.
Why do bagpipers walk when they play?
→ They're trying to get away from the noise.
What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?
→ The taste.
What is a polygon?
→ A dead parrot.
How do you stop an elephant from charging?
→ Take away its credit cards.
What's the difference between boogers and spinach?
→ You can't get kids to eat spinach.
What did the horse say when he fell?
→ I've fallen and I can't giddy up!
What do you call someone who doesn't fart in public?
→ A private tutor.
What do you call a sleeping cow?
→ A bulldozer.
What do you call a blind deer?
→ No eye deer?
What do you call a blind deer with no legs?
→ Still no eye deer?
What goes tick tick woof woof?
→ A watch dog.
Why is it hard for a ghost to tell a lie?
→ You can see right through him.
What goes vroom screech vroom screech vroom screech?
→ A blonde going through a blinking red light.
Why do farts smell?
→ So deaf people can enjoy them too.
