Most commented jokes

A panda bear walks into a bar, and tells the bartender that he wants to have lunch. The bartender gives him a menu and he orders.

The panda bear eats his lunch, and when he finishes, he gets up to leave. Suddenly, the panda bear pulls an AK-47 out of his fur, and shoots the bar to pieces. He then heads for the door.

The shocked bartender jumps out from behind the destroyed bar and yells:

- Hey, what do you think you're doing? You ate lunch, shot up my bar, and now you're just going to leave?

The panda bear answers calmlly:

- I'm a panda bear.

The bartender says:

- Yeah, so?

The panda bear replies:

- Look it up, and walks out the door.

The bartender jumps back behind the ruined bar and grabs his encyclopedia. He looks up "panda bear," and sure enough, there is a picture of the panda bear.

He reads the caption, which says:

- Panda Bear--a cuddly, black and white creature. Eats shoots and leaves.

How many rednecks does it take to eat a possum?
→ Three. One to eat it and two to watch for cars.

What do you call a dog with no legs?
→ It don't matter what you call him, he ain't commin'!

After a hot, hard day's work Joe went into a bar to quench his thirst. He walked up to the bar and asked the bartender for a beer.

The bartender replied:

- There's one thing every man has to do here before getting served. You have to tell me the name of your penis.

Joe thought it was a bit silly and asked the bartender what he named his. The bartender said:

- I named mine Nike...like you know...just go for it!

So he thought about it for a few minutes then said:

- I got one... Secret.

The bartender said:

- Why Secret?

Joe said:

- Well...it's strong enough for a man, but made for a woman.

There was a Blond and a Brunette on an airplane.

All of a sudden the engine blew and they started to crash!

There was only one parachute and a flashlight.

The Brunette grabbed the parachute and the flashlight and said to the blond:

- Ok, This is a magic flashlight, I will shine it on the ground and you can slide down the beam of light! Then I will follow you with the parachute.

The blond looked at her sceptically and said:

- Do you think I am that dumb? I know when I am halfway down you're gonna turn it off!

A police detective was investigating a homicide. As he questioned the on-scene officer, he learned the body was that of a young woman. The body was found with a bowl over her head and a spoon stuck in her back.

The on-scene officer asked what the detective thought had happened to the woman.

The detective responded:

- I think it's obvious. A cereal killer got her!

A State Trooper pulls a car over on a lonely back road and approaches the blonde lady driver.

- Ma'am, is there a reason that you're weaving all over the road?

The woman replied:

- Oh officer, thank goodness you're here! I almost had an accident! I looked up and there was a tree right in front of me. I swerved to the left and there was another tree in front of me. I swerved to the right and there was another tree in front of me!

Reaching through the side window to the rear view mirror, the officer replied:

- Ma'am... that's your air freshener!

Why didn't Helen Keller ever change her baby?
→ She could find it!

Yo momma's so fat her butt looks like two pigs fighting over a Milk Dud!!

Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
→ He didn't have the guts!