Most commented jokes

Whats the difference between a pig and a fox?
→ A 12-pack of beer!

WARNING! POOR FRED IS DEAD. DO NOT READ THIS UNLESS YOU HAVE COME TOMOURN HIS PASSING.

A bill collector knocked on the door of a country debtor. "Is Fred home?" he asked the woman who answered the door. "Sorry," the woman replied. "Fred's gone for cotton."

The next day the collector tried again. "Is Fred here today?"

"No, sir," she said, "I'm afraid Fred has gone for cotton."

When he returned the third day he humphed, "I suppose Fred is gone for cotton again?"

"No," the woman answered solemnly, "Fred died yesterday."

Suspicious that he was being avoided, the collector decided to wait a week and investigate the cemetery himself. But sure enough, there was poor Fred's tombstone, with this inscription: "Gone, But Not for Cotton." RIP, Fred.

This just in: A well known college professor has been arrested and accused of putting marijuana in the food that seagulls consume. When asked why he did this he stated - "I want to leave no tern unstoned"

We have a tree in our yard, terribly bothered by blight.

We sought professional help and had a tree surgeon come to look at it. In his assessment, he noted that the blight was bad, but he was even more concerned with the deep cracks in the bark.

"In fact," he said, "This tree's bark is worse than its blight!"

Back in the unhappy days when Czechoslovakia was under Soviet domination, a valiant freedom fighter was wandering through the countryside, trying to evade a Soviet agent, who was in hot pursuit, found himself near an old castle, and went inside for refuge.

Soon he found that the Soviet agent had followed him into the castle so our hero slipped into the nearest hiding-place, which was a medieval armor. He remained there, very still, until the Soviet gave up in disgust, and left him free to continue working for the liberation of his native land.

Why didn't the Soviet agent think to look inside the armor?

"Very simple,... As a well-trained Marxist, he would never consider any capitalistic lie as that there was a Czech in the mail."

A gorilla was walking thru' a jungle when he came across a deer eating grasses in a clearing. The gorilla roared, "Who's the king of the jungle?", and the deer replied, "Oh, you are, Master." The gorilla walked off pleased. Soon he came across a zebra drinking at a water hole. Again, he roared, "Who's the king of the jungle?", of course, the zebra replied, "You are, master." The gorilla walked of pleased. Then he came across an elephant. "Who's the king of the jungle?", he roared again, at the elephant. With that, the elephant threw the gorilla across a tree and jumped on him.

The gorilla scraped himself up off the ground and said, "Ok, ok, there's no need to get mad just because you don't know the answer!"

- Patron: Waiter!

- Waiter: Hi, my name is Bill, and I'll be your Support waiter.

- Waiter: What seems to be the problem?

- Patron: There's a fly in my soup!

- Waiter: Try again, maybe the fly won't be there this time.

- Patron: No, it's still there.

- Waiter: Maybe it's the way you're using the soup. Try eating it with a fork instead.

- Patron: Even when I use the fork, the fly is still there.

- Waiter: Maybe the soup is incompatible with the bowl. What kind of bowl are you using?

- Patron: A SOUP bowl!

- Waiter: Hmmm, that should work. Maybe it's a configuration problem. How was the bowl set up?

- Patron: You brought it to me on a saucer. What has that to do with the fly in my soup?!

- Waiter: Can you remember everything you did before you noticed the fly in your soup?

- Patron: I sat down and ordered the Soup of the Day!

- Waiter: Have you considered upgrading to the latest Soup of the Day?

- Patron: You have more than one Soup of the Day each day??

- Waiter: Yes, the Soup of the Day is changed every hour.

- Patron: Well, what is the Soup of the Day now?

- Waiter: The current Soup of the Day is tomato.

- Patron: Fine. Bring me the tomato soup, and the check. I'm running late now!

[waiter leaves and returns with another bowl of soup and the check]

- Waiter: Here you are, Sir. The soup and your check.

- Patron: This is potato soup.

- Waiter: Yes, the tomato soup wasn't ready yet.

- Patron: Well, I'm so hungry now, I'll eat anything.

[waiter leaves.]

- Patron: Waiter! There's a gnat in my soup!

The check:

• Soup of the Day . . . . . . . . . . $5.00
• Upgrade to newer Soup of the Day. . $2.50
• Access to support . . . . . . . . . $1.00

Chuck Norris, Arnold Swartzenagger, and Jean Claud VanDam, were talking one day. Chuck Norris asked:

- If you were a musician, who would you be?.

Chuck Norris said:

- I would be Motzart.

Jean Claud VanDam said:

- I would be Bethoven.

Arnold said:

- I'll be Bach!

You're momma so fat, she be sellin' shade!

You're momma so ugly, she walked down the street and got arrested for indecent exposure!

You're momma so old, her s*#t has wrinkles!

You're momma so stupid, she gave birth to you and asked the doctor if you were hers!

You're momma so poor, her idea of big spendin' is buyin' a gumball!

What happens when a frog parks illegaly?
→ It gets toad!