Most commented jokes

This couple out on a date get a flat tire while driving along on a snowy night. They guy gets out to change the tire, but he doesn't have any gloves so before long he gets back in the car with the job half-done, his hands blue from the cold.

- Put your hands between my legs to warm them up - offers his gal. So he does, then gets out to finish the job.

It's so cold, however, that he has to come back one more time to warm his hands, again between her legs.

Finally, he finishes the job and gets back into the car, and is about to put the keys into the ignition when she asks:

- Aren't your ears cold too?

A seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and talk turns to their adventures on the sea. The seaman notes that the pirate has a peg-leg, an hook, and an eye patch. The seaman asks:

- So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?

The pirate replies:

- We were in a storm at sea, and I was swept over board into a school of sharks. Just as my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off.

- Wow! - said the seaman.

- What about your hook?

- Well... - replied the pirate.

- We were boarding an enemy ship and were battling the other sailors with swords when one of the enemy cut my hand off.

- Incredible! - remarked the seaman.

- How did you get the eye patch?

- A seagull dropping fell into my eye - replied the pirate.

- You lost your eye to a seagull dropping? - the sailor asked increduously.

- Well... - said the pirate.

- ..it was also my first day with the hook.

Two kids were having the standard argument about whose father could beat up whose father.

One boy said:

- My father is better than your father.

The other kid said:

- Well, my mother is better than your mother.

The first boy paused and then replied:

- I guess you're right. My father says the same thing.

- "Hard drive" -- Trying to climb a steep, muddy hill with 3 flat tires and pulling a trailer load of fertilizer.

- "Keyboard" -- Place to hang your truck keys.

- "Window" -- Place in the truck to hang your guns.

- "Floppy" -- When you run out of Polygrip.

- "Modem" -- How you got rid of your dandelions.

- "ROM" -- Delicious when you mix it with coca cola.

- "Byte" -- First word in a kiss-off phrase.

- "Reboot" -- What you do when the first pair gets covered with barnyard stuff.

- "Network" -- Activity meant to provide bait for your trot line.

- "Mouse" -- Fuzzy, soft thing you stuff in your beer bottle in order to get a free case.

- "LAN" -- To borrow as in, "Hey Delbert! LAN me yore truck."

- "Cursor" -- What some guys do when they are mad at their wife and/or girlfriend.

- "bit" -- A wager as in, "I bit you can't spit that watermelon seed across the porch longways."

- "digital control" -- What yore fingers do on the TV remote.

- "packet" -- What you do to a suitcase or Wal-Mart bag before a trip.

A bloke who was well known for his anti Italian sentiments, was walking down the street one day with a mate, when they came across a busking act, an Italian with an organ grinding monkey. Our incipient racist stunned his friend by throwing a couple of bucks into the hat.

- I thought you hated Italians? - was the comment as the friend recovered.

- Yeh, I do. But even I'll admit they're cute when they're little.

The judge said to Mickey "I can not grant you a divorce from Minney, there is no evidence that she is crazy" and Mickey said, "I didnt say she was crazy, I said she was fuckin' Goofy!"

A lady was walking down the street when a small sign in the window of a shop caught her eye. She stopped, turned back and read the sign which said:

- Clitoris licking frog available.

Checking to see that no one on the street was observing her, she hurriedly entered the shop, closing the door quickly behind her.

Inside there was a counter but no sign of activity or human presence. On the counter there was a bell with a sign on top saying:

- Please ring for service

The lady gave the bell a push. It rang but nothing happened. She hit the bell again and after a few minutes she heard a shuffling, slurping sort of sound and eventually a man emerged from a door behind the counter:

- Bonjour madame

Why did the guru refuse Novacaine when he went to his dentist?
→ He wanted to transcend dental medication.

A man went to the dentist to get his teeth checked. While he was sitting in the chair being examined, the dentist said to him:

- Have you done oral sex lately?

The man replied:

- Why yes, I did this morning actually. How could you tell? Did you find a pubic hair stuck in my tooth?

The dentist says:

- No, not quite. You've got some shit on the end of your nose!

I love to go to the dentist. A man in white hovering over me while I'm trapped helpless in a chair. He cleans me. He flosses me. His instruments alive in my mouth.

And just when I don't think I can take it anymore, he says:

- Good girl, Marcie, you can spit now. - Marcie, from the "Married With Children" sitcom.