Random joke from this category
A man and a woman are in an elevator. All of a sudden the elevator stops and the fire alarm goes off.
The woman starts to have a break down and say to the man, "I wish I could feel like a woman one last time."
The man automatically rips his shirt off throws it to the floor and says, "now fold it"!
Mirrors are female because none of their reflections are really their own.
Stamps are female because men like to lick them, stick them, and then send them away.
Windows are male because they're a pane, and because you can see through them.
Shit is male because the older it gets, the easier it is to pick up.
There was a guy walking down the street in San Francisco, and he tripped over an old looking oil lamp.
He picked it up and hid it under his jacket, because he thought it was priceless.
While he was running to the antique shop to cash this puppy in, it rubbed against his shirt.
POOF! A genie popped out of his pocket!
The very angry looking Genie said, "All right, I have had enough with this three wish stuff, and 'cuz you stole me away from my HBO Special, I will only give you one wish!"
The surprised man said, "OK, I want to live in Hawaii in a huge condo on the beach with three million dollars in the master bedroom, but I am afraid of boats and planes so I want you to build a bridge from here to Hawaii."
The genie replied with a smirk, "Are you crazy? Do you know how long that will take, with the pillars going down to the bottom of the ocean, all the cement it would take for the highway? No I'm sorry, it just can't happen."
The man said, "Fine then, I want to understand women."
The genie said, " Would you like two lanes or four?"
A Woman's Rule of Thumb:
If it has tires or testicles, you're going to have trouble with it.
Why do women pay more attention to their appearance than to improving their minds?
→ Because most men are stupid, but few are blind.
A man was walking along a beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up, rubbed it and out popped a genie.
The genie said "You released me from the lamp, blah blah blah.
This is the fourth time this month and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three. You only get one wish!"
The man sat and thought about it for a while and said, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii but I'm scared to fly and I get very seasick.
"Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?"
The genie laughed and said, "That's impossible! Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific?
Think of how much concrete! How much steel! You're going to have to think of another wish."
The man agreed, and tried to think of a really good wish.
Finally, he said, "I've been married and divorced four times. My wives always said that I don't care and that I'm insensitive. So, I wish that I could understand women. I want to know how they feel inside and what they're thinking when they give me the silent treatment. I want to figure out why they're crying, know what they really want when they say 'nothing', and know how to make them truly happy."
The genie paused for a while and said, "How many lanes do you want on that bridge?"
What does Hillary Clinton and Tampons have in common?
→ "They are both stuck-up cunts!"
DEMERIT POINT SYSTEM USED BY WOMEN
(The code is finally broken - the demerit system is no longer a mystery!)
For all you guys out there who just can't figure it out, here it is: In the world of romance and relationship responsibilities, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes & you get points. Do something she dislikes & points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects... Sorry, but that's the way the game is played. Here is a guide to the point system.
There is a new Barbie doll on the market -
Trailer Park Barbie ...for the parent who wants to show their child what grown-up life is really going to be like
A woman is a person who, if she says to a man,
"Never mind, I'll do it myself," and he lets her, and she gets mad,
and he says, "Now what are you mad about?" says, "If you don't know I'm not going to tell you."
