Random joke from this category
A stuffy matron is with a new man in a top restaurant. The onion soup gets to her, and as the waiter is serving the main dishes she lets loose a bombastic fart. Trying to save face, she says to the waiter: "Sir! Please stop that immediately."
"Certainly, madame," replies the waiter with a bow, "which way was it headed?"
"I was in a very generous mood today," a woman says to her friend.
"I gave a poor beggar $25."
"Thats a lot of money to give away," says her friend. "What did your husband say?"
"He said, 'Thank you'."
Why do Jewish Women go for circumcised men?
→ Because they can't refuse anything with 10% off.
Why do women fake orgasms?
→ Because men fake foreplay.
What is the difference between a Slut and a Bitch?
→ A Slut sleeps with everyone, a bitch sleeps with everyone but you!
Why do Black widow spiders kill their mates after mating?
→ To stop the snoring before it starts..
There were three women sitting in a bar and they were discussing how much their husbands could get up their crotch.
The first woman said, "My husband can get his whole hand up me."
The second lady said, "My husband can get his whole head up me."
The third lady slid down the bar stool.
Two old friends are having coffee when the first woman says, "I hear that you've been telling people that I'm ugly!"
"Oh NO! I've just been saying that your new hairdo makes you look less attractive."
"I also heard that you've been calling me fat?!?"
"Oh NO! I just said that the way you wear those stripes makes you look larger than you really are."
"I've also heard that you're saying that my husband has a wart on his dick!"
"Oh NO! I only said that it feels like he has a wart on his dick!"
Did you hear about the woman who has five legs?
→ Her knickers fit her like a glove!
A little boy and his dad are standing in line at the grocery store behind a big fat lady. The little boy says, "hey dad, look how fat that lady is!"
"Shhhh, quiet son, she'll hear you."
"But dad, look how big and fat that lady is!"
"Shhhhh, don't say that son, it's not nice!"
"But dad, look how big and fat that lady is!"
"Shhhhhhhhhhhhhh, don't say that son, it's not nice and it's rude!"
Suddenly the fat lady's beeper goes off.
"Look out dad, she's backing up!"
