Women Jokes — most viewed jokes

• 17: Need to wash my hair
• 25: Need to wash and condition my hair
• 35: Need to color my hair
• 48: Need to have Francois color my hair
• 66: Need to have Francois color my wig

What do you get when you cross a Jewish American Princess with a computer?
→ A computer that never goes down on you.

What is the difference between girls aged: 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58 and 68?

At 8 - You take her to bed and tell her a story.

At 18 - You tell her a story and take her to bed.

At 28 - You don't need to tell her a story to take her to bed.

At 38 - She tells you a story and takes you to bed.

At 48 - You tell her a story to avoid going to bed.

At 58 - You stay in bed to avoid her story.

At 68 - If you take her to bed, that'll be a story!!

What has a woman got in common with a box of Kentucky Fried Chicken?
→ Once you get past the tender breast and the juicy thigh, all you're left with is a greasy box.

1. Get up.
2. Pee.
3. Drink raspberry-cranberry tea.
4. Pee.
5. Apply makeup. Pee first so you don't have to stop in the middle.
6. Drive to work. Pee at gas station. Complain about dirty restroom. Go to a different gas station and pee there.
7. Get to work at Burger King. Pee. Wash hands.
8. Lunch. Slimfast. Pee.
9. Arrive home. Pee. Shower. Pee.
10. Promise sex to husband. Pee. Get up in the middle of sex and pee.
11. Pee. Go to bed. Get up at 3 A.M. waking husband but instead of giving him head, go and pee.

A man is walking along one day and he comes upon a ladder. Looking up, he sees that the ladder disappears into the clouds. Curious, he begins to climb. Before long, he is in the clouds. He looks around and sees the most horribly ugly woman he has ever seen in his life. Obese, snaggle-toothed, matted hair..... She looks at him, beckons, and says, "Have sex with me, or climb the ladder to success."

Well, having no intention of doing anything with this woman, the man climbs higher up the ladder. A bit further on, he comes upon a woman slightly less ugly than the woman before. Not attractive, by any means, but not repugnant. "Have sex with me, or climb the ladder to success," she says.

Again, the man elects to continue his climb.

Before long, he comes upon another woman. This one is actually attractive. Not a knock-out, but very pleasing. "Have sex with me, or climb the ladder to success."

Well, he figures the women keep getting better and better looking as he gets higher and higher. So he decides to continue climbing.

A bit farther up is the most gorgeous woman he's ever seen in his life! Miss America beautiful. In a sultry voice she says, "Have sex with me, or climb the ladder to success." Well, needless to say he is very tempted.

But he just can't imagine what could top this woman, so he decides to climb higher.

On the next cloud up is a horrid 500 lb man. You can see the lice in his hair, he stinks, his clothes are ratty..... "Who are you?" our climber asks in horror. Grinning a toothless grin, the man looks at him and says, "Hi. I'm Cess."

What kind of clothes are there?
→ women: clean & dirty
Men: Clean, almost clean, sorta clean, not bad, dirty, really dirty, nasty, biohazzard. (Men will voluntarily wear all but the last classification of these clothes).

This girl I know told me she was so horny her own tongue's starting to feel good in her mouth.

I guess some things will never change. I hired a temp while my secretary was on maternity leave. Trying to arrive at an agreeable wage, I asked what she expected to earn.

She said, "Well... the minimum I could work for is four hundred a week."

I told her I'd give her that much with pleasure. She shook her head and replied, "With pleasure, it'll be $600 a week."

• 17: shopping
• 25: shopping
• 35: shopping
• 48: shopping
• 66: shopping