Travel Jokes — most viewed jokes

A little Italian grandfather comes up to Customs.
The Customs official says, "Have you got anything to declare?"
He thinks a second and he says, "It's a nice-a day!"

- Passenger: Will this bus take me to New York?

- Driver: Which part?

- Passenger: All of me, of course!

A student was heading home for the holidays.
When she got to the airline counter, she presented her ticket to New York. As she gave the agent her luggage, she made the remark, "I'd like you to send my green suitcase to Hawaii, and my red suitcase to London."

The confused agent said, "I'm sorry, we can't do that."

"Really??? I am so relieved to hear you say that because that's exactly what you did to my luggage last year!"

The truck driver stopped to picked up the girl hitchhiker in short shorts.

"Say, what's your name, mister?" she inquired, after she climbed up in the truck.

"It's Snow, Roy Snow," he answered, "and what's yours?"

"I'm June, June Hansen," she said. "Hey, why do you keep sizing me up with those sidelong glances?" she challenged the trucker some miles down the road.

"Can you imagine what it might be like," he countered with a question of his own, "having eight inches of Snow in June?"

On my last trip to Canada, I had the rare pleasure of meeting the leading historian of this great country. Out of curiosity I asked him how their county got it's name.

Below is his explanation...

There were three explorers, hiking through what is now known as Canada. "You know," said the first explorer, "we should name this place we're hiking through."

"I agree," said the second explorer.

"Great idea" quipped the third explorer.

"We'll each pick a letter and then make a name out of that."

"Okay," said the third, "I'll go first. C, eh."

The second said: "N, eh."

The first... "D, eh."

And now you know the story.

Three friends were stranded on a desert island. After several weeks with no food and no drinking water, they were beginning to lose heart.

Suddenly, a bottle floated into the shore and a beautiful genie popped out. She said "I have three wishes to grant. Each of you gentleman can make one wish come true."

Friend number one got excited. He said "I wish I was in Las Vegas with dice in one hand and a drink in the other, surrounded by music, food, and beautiful women." Instantly he was gone, his wish granted.

Friend number two smiled and said, "I wish I was back home right now with my wonderful wife and our two small children, at our log cabin in the woods sitting in front of the fire and singing Christmas carols together." Just like that, he disappeared.

The genie asked the remaining man, "And what do you wish for?"

He answered, "Gee, I wish I had my buddies back to help me decide..."

A merchant captain and several of his officers were returning to the ship after an evening of partying ashore.

As they climbed the gangway, the captain threw up all over himself. Pointing to an apprentice seaman above him he shouted, "Give that man five days in the brig for vomiting!"

The following morning the captain was checking the log and saw that the young seaman had been sentenced to ten days and asked the chief mate why.

"Well Sir, when we got you undressed we found that he'd also took a dump in your pants."

What's the difference between a bus driver and a cold?
→ A bus driver knows the stops, and a cold stops the nose.

Seems the Shah of Iran was visiting Disneyland with his young son. The son seemed to be having a good time but had that look that something else was on his mind. The Shah asked, "What do you really want, Son?" The Son said, "A Mickey Mouse Outfit." With that, the Shaw went out and bought him a uniform from the neighboring Fire Department.

A little guy gets on a plane and sits next to the window. A few minutes later, a big, heavy, strong, mean-looking, hulking guy plops down in the seat next to him and immediately falls asleep.

The little guy starts to feel a little airsick, but he's afraid to wake the big guy up to ask if he can move aside to let him go to the bathroom. He knows he can't climb over him, and so the little guy is sitting there, looking at the big guy, trying to decide what to do.

Suddenly, the plane hits an air pocket and an uncontrollable wave of nausea passes through the little guy. He can't hold it in any longer and hurls all over the big guy's chest.

About five minutes later the big guy wakes up, looks down, and sees the vomit all over him.

"So," says the little guy, "are you feeling any better now?"