Random joke from this category
Serbian official press agency claimed today that Serbian forces shot down two F-117 Planes and four Ballistic "smart" missiles.
Pentagon denied the statement, saying that all of them had safely returned to NATO's base.
A Captain in the foreign legion was transferred to a desert outpost. On his orientation tour he noticed a very old, seedy looking camel tied out back of the enlisted mens barracks. He asked the Sergeant leading the tour, "What's the camel for?"
The Sergeant replied "Well sir it's a long way from anywhere, and the men have natural sexual urges, so when they do, uh, we have the camel."
The captain said "Well if it's good for moral, then I guess it's all right with me."
After he had been at the fort for about 6 months the captain could not stand it any more so he told his Sergeant, "BRING IN THE CAMEL!!!"
The sarge shrugged his shoulders and led the camel into the captains quarters. The captain got a foot stool & proceeded to have vigorous sex with the camel. As he stepped, satisfied, down from the stool, and was buttoning his pants he asked the Sergeant, "Is that how the enlisted men do it?"
The Sergeant replied, "Well sir, they usually just use it to ride into town."
Finally, Serbian hackers hacked the navigation systems of "Tomahawk" missiles -- now they're called "Boomerang."
Two mountain bred GIs were wandering the streets of calcutta when an old woman walked by. "Hey, Billy Joe," one said, "I think that's Mother Teresa." "Your nuts." "I'm telling you."
They approached the woman and one asked, "Are you Mother Teresa?" The old lady eyed them scornfully. "Fuck off, you goddamn perverts," she hissed, striding off. "Jeez," Billy Joe said, watching her disappear into the crowd, "now we'll never know."
Two guys are on duty at a french foreign legion fort. One says to the other one, "See that camel over there? I'll bet you I can make him jump 30 feet in the air."
The other guy says "No way".
The first guy walks around to the back of the camel with two bricks, reaches in between the camel's legs and crashes the bricks together. The camel jumps 30 feet in the air.
A couple of days later the first guy says to the second guy, "I bet you I can make that camel nod his head yes, then shake his head no."
The second guy says, "You got me last time, but there's no way you can make that dumb animal nod his head yes then shake it no."
The first guy takes the same two bricks, walks around to the front of the camel, holds up the bricks and says, "Remember what I did last time?" (Camel nods). "Want me to do it again?"
Two men are approaching each other on a sidewalk. Both are dragging their right foot as the walk. As they meet, one man looks at the other knowingly, points at his foot and says, "Vietnam, 1969."
The other hooks his thumb behind him and says, "Dog shit, 20 feet back."
A decorated war veteran, fresh off the bus, is looking for a place to stay. He hears that room and board is available from the three old spinsters at the edge of town, but is advised they are very picky in letting strangers stay there. He decides to chance it, and limps on up to the front door.
His knock is answered by Gladys. "What do you want, sonny?" she asks him.
"Ma'am, I'm just looking for a hot meal and a room for the night," he answers.
The other two old spinsters gather around the door. "Who's out there? Does he look decent?" they ask.
Gladys says, "It's a soldier, and he's got a Purple Heart on."
The other two spinsters giggle and say, "The hell with what color it is...let him in!"
What's the difference between American and Serbian pilots?
→ American pilots break ground and fly into the wind!
After the fire-truck arrived at a burning building in a small Spanish town, the firemen observed a man dressed in a matador's costume prancing around on the roof. Four of the firemen held a safety-net and urged him to escape from the burning building by jumping into the net. He refused and loudly proclaimed, "I'm Fearless Jose the bullfighter who fears nothing, not even fire."
The firemen begged and pleaded but to no avail. Jose kept prancing around while repeating the same phrase over and over until the firemen got really sick and tired of hearing it. Finally, when the flames began to scorch his butt, Jose announced he had changed his mind, was ready to jump and then leaped off the rooftop. As his body hurtled toward the safety-net, the four firemen shouted, "Ole!" and quickly moved it aside.
What's pretty, delicate and carries a sub machine gun?
→ A killer butterfly!
