Ethnic — most viewed jokes

How do you keep a black kid from jumping on the bed?
→ Put velcro on the ceiling.

Did you hear about the terrible automobile accident last night?

A polish family on vacation lost all of their children. The pickup truck they were riding in ran off the road into a lake and sank to the bottom.

The parents got out of the cab OK but all the kids in the back drowned...they couldn't get the tailgate open

What does an Australian witch ride on?
→ A broomerang!

Who wears a dirty white robe and rides a pig?
→ Lawrence of Poland

Ebonics Crimmus Pome

Wuz de nite befo Crimmus
An' all ower de hood
ereybody wuz' sleepin'
Dey wuz sleepin' good
We hunged up our stockings
An hoped like de' heck
That ol Sanna Clause
Be bringin' our check
All o'de fambily
Wuz layin in de beds
While Ripple and Thunderbird
Dance tru' dey heads
I passed out inna' flo
Right nex to my Maw
When I heard sech a fuss
I thunk: "It mus be de law!!!"

I looked out thru de bars
What covered my doe
'spectin' de sheriff
Wif a warrent fo sho
And what did I see
I said, "Lawd look at dat!!"
Ther' wuz a huge watermellon
Pulled by giant warf rats!!

Now ober all de years
Santa Clause, he be white
But looks liken us bros
Gets a black Sanna dis nite
Faster dan a Po'lees car
My home boy he came
He whupped on dem warf rats
An' called dem by name!

On Leroy, on 'Lonzo
And on Willie Lee
On Saphire, on Chenequa
Dey wuz a site to see!!

As he landed dat watta' mellon
Out der in da skreet
I knowed it was fo' sho'
Da damndest site I ebber did see
He didn't go down no chimbley
He picked da' lock on my doe
An' I sez to myself "Shit!! He done dis befoe!!!"

He had dis big bag
Full of prezents I 'xpect
Wid Air Jordans and fake gold
To wear roun' my neck
But he not leevin no prezents
Jus stealing my shit
Got my drugs, got my guns
Got my crack pipe...still lit!

Wit my stuff in de bag
Out da window he flewed
I woudda' tried to cut him
But he stoled my 'nife too!!

He jumped on dat wadda' mellon
An' whipped out a switch
He wuz gone in a seccon'
Dat sum of a bitch!!

Next year I be hopin'
Anutha Sanna we git
Cuz' diz here Sanna Clause
Jus' ain't werf a shit!!!

Murry Crimmus

A Jewish couple, are sitting together on an airplane flying to the Far East. Over the public address system, the Captain announces:
"Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning, and this plane will be going down momentarily. Luckily, I see an island below us that should be able to accommodate our landing. This island appears to be uncharted; I am unable to find it on our maps. So the odds are that we will never be rescued and will have to live on the island for a very long time, if not for the rest of our lives."

A few minutes later the plane lands safely on the island, whereupon Morris turns to his wife and asks, "Esther, did we pay our pledge to the Yeshiva yet?"
"No Morris!" she responded.
Morris smiles, then asks, "Esther, did we pay our UJA pledge?"
"Oy no, I forgot to send the check!!" Now Morris laughs.
"One last thing, Esther. Did you remember to send our Temple Building Fund check this month?"
"Oy Morris I forgot that one too!"
Now Morris is practically choking with laughter. Esther asks Morris, "So what are you smiling and laughing about?"

Morris responds, "They'll find us."

What is the difference between a newfie and a bucket of shit...
→ The Bucket

A huge American car screeched to a halt in a sleepy English village, and the driver called out to a local inhabitant, "Say, am I on the right road for Shakespeare's birthplace?"
"Ay, straight on, sir," said the rustic, "but no need to hurry. He's dead."

How do you stop a Polish army on horseback?
→ Turn off the carousel.

There are three guys who are good friends. One is an American, one is Polish, and one is Italian.

They are driving together one day when they get into a car accident. They all die and float up towards the gates of Heaven. When they get there, an angel who tells them they are all on the border of Heaven and Hell. As a result, they have the choice to either ask a question of the angel or be asked a question. If they answer correctly, or if the angel answers incorrectly on their question, they will pass into Heaven.

The Italian guy goes first. He tells the angel to ask him a question. The angel says, "How many grains of sand are there in the world?" The Italian guy says, "Um, four trillion?" and falls straight to Hell.

The polish guy goes next and wants the angel to ask a question. The angel says, "How many drops of water are there in all of the world's oceans?" He says, "Uh, ninety-eight billion?" and also falls straight to Hell.

Finally, it's the American's turn. He tells the angel he will ask the question, but he needs a pencil and paper. The angel snaps his fingers and it magically appears. The American proceeds to take the paper, makes hundreds of holes in it with the pencil and farts through it. He then asks the angel, "Which hole did my fart go through?" The angel replies, "That's easy," and points to a hole. The American says...

"No, it came out of this one!" and points to his butt, and then goes to Heaven.