Aviation Jokes — most viewed jokes

Bud and Jim were a couple of drinking buddies who worked as airplane mechanics in Atlanta. One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do.

Bud said:

- Man, I wish we had something to drink!

Jim says:

- Me too. Y'know, I've heard you can drink jet fuel and get a buzz. You wanna try it?

So they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane hooch and get completely smashed.

The next morning, Bud wakes up and is surprised at how good he feels. In fact, he feels GREAT! No hangover! NO bad side effects, Nothing!

Then the phone rings...

It's Jim.

Jim says:

- Hey, how do you feel this morning?

Bud says:

- I feel great. How about you?

Jim says:

- I feel great, too. You don't have a hangover?

Bud says:

- No, that jet fuel is great stuff - no hangover - nothing.

- We ought to do this more often.

- Yeah, well, there's just one thing....

- What's that?

- Have you farted yet?

- No.....

- Well, DON'T - 'cause I'm in Phoenix!!!

An aircraft is about to crash. There are five passengers on board, but unfortunately only 4 parachutes. The first passenger says:

- I'm Shaquille O'Neill, the best NBA basketball player. The Lakers need me, it would be unfair to them if I died.

So he takes the first parachute and jumps.

The second passenger, Hillary Clinton, says:

- I am the wife of the former President of the United States. I am also the most dedicated woman in the world, a Senator in New York and America's potential future President

She takes one of the parachutes and jumps.

The third passenger, George W. Bush, says:

- I am the President of the United States of America. I have a huge responsibility in world politics. And apart from that, I am the most intelligent President in the history of the country and I have a responsibility to my people not to die.

So he takes a parachute and jumps.

The fourth passenger, the Pope, says to the fifth passenger, a ten year old schoolboy:

- I am already old. I have already lived my life, as a good person and a priest I will give you the last parachute

The boy replies:

- No problem your Pope-ness, there is also a parachute for you. America's most intelligent President has taken my schoolbag.

What's the ultimate embarrassment for a blonde?
→ When her ben-wa balls set off the airport metal detector.

While practicing auto-rotations during a military night training exercise, a Huey Cobra messes up and lands on its tail rotor.

The landing is so hard it breaks off the tail boom. However, the chopper fortunately remains upright on its skids, sliding down the runway, doing 360s.

As the Cobra slides past the tower, trailing a brilliant shower of sparks, this radio exchange takes place:

- Tower: Sir, do you need any assistance?

- Cobra: I don't know, Tower, we ain't done crashin' yet.

Why did the monster lie on his back?
→ To trip up low-flying aircraft.

What kind of bee can keep an aeroplane dry?
→ An aero-drone!

What do you get if you cross a giraffe with a dog?
→ An animal that barks at low flying aircraft!

An enemy decoy, built in occupied Holland, led to a tale that has been told and retold ever since by veteran Allied pilots. The German "airfield," constructed with meticulous care, was made almost entirely of wood. There were wooden hangars, oil tanks, gun emplacements, trucks, and aircraft.

The Germans took so long in building their wooden decoy that Allied photo experts had more than enough time to observe and report it.

The day finally came when the decoy was finished, down to the last wooden plank. Early the following morning, a lone RAF plane crossed the Channel, came in low, circled the field once, and dropped a large wooden bomb.

What do you get if you cross a dog with Concorde?
→ A jet setter!

A plane full of retirees headed for Florida was gripped with fear when the pilot announced:

- Two of our engines are on fire; we are flying through a heavy fog, and it has eliminated virtually all our visibility.

The passengers were numb with fear, except for one... a semi-retired minister...

- Now, now, keep calm, folks - he said.

- Let's all bow our heads and pray.

Immediately, the group bowed their heads to pray... except fellow near the back.

- Why aren't you bowing your head to pray? - the minister asked.

- Well, I don't know how to pray, - replied the passenger.

- Well, just do something religious! - piped up another well meaning passenger.

So the man got up and started down the aisle passing his hat...