Aviation Jokes — most viewed jokes

A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw a very beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized she was heading straight towards his seat. Lo and behold, she took the seat right beside his. Eager to strike up a conversation, he blurted out, "Business trip or vacation?"

She turned, smiled and said, "Business. I'm going to the Annual Nymphomania Convention in Chicago".

He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him and she was going to a meeting for nymphomaniacs! Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business role at this convention?"

"Lecturer," she responded. "I use my experience to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."

"Really," he said, "what myths are those?"

"Well," she explained, "one popular myth is that African American men are the most well endowed when, in fact, it's the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that French men are the best lovers, when actually it is the men of Jewish descent. We have, however, found that the best potential lover in all categories is the Southern redneck."

Suddenly, the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry," she said, "I shouldn't really be discussing this with you. I don't even know your name."

"Tonto," the man said, "Tonto Goldstein. But my friends call me Bubba.."

What do you get if you cross a giraffe with a dog?
→ An animal that barks at low flying aircraft!

What's the ultimate embarrassment for a blonde?
→ When her ben-wa balls set off the airport metal detector.

An enemy decoy, built in occupied Holland, led to a tale that has been told and retold ever since by veteran Allied pilots. The German "airfield," constructed with meticulous care, was made almost entirely of wood. There were wooden hangars, oil tanks, gun emplacements, trucks, and aircraft.

The Germans took so long in building their wooden decoy that Allied photo experts had more than enough time to observe and report it.

The day finally came when the decoy was finished, down to the last wooden plank. Early the following morning, a lone RAF plane crossed the Channel, came in low, circled the field once, and dropped a large wooden bomb.

Why did the monster lie on his back?
→ To trip up low-flying aircraft.

What do you get if you cross a dog with Concorde?
→ A jet setter!

While practicing auto-rotations during a military night training exercise, a Huey Cobra messes up and lands on its tail rotor.

The landing is so hard it breaks off the tail boom. However, the chopper fortunately remains upright on its skids, sliding down the runway, doing 360s.

As the Cobra slides past the tower, trailing a brilliant shower of sparks, this radio exchange takes place:

- Tower: Sir, do you need any assistance?

- Cobra: I don't know, Tower, we ain't done crashin' yet.

What kind of bee can keep an aeroplane dry?
→ An aero-drone!

A blonde buys a plane ticket to Miami. (It's a coach Ticket). When she gets on the plane she sits in first class.

The steward who checks tickets says, "I'm so sorry, this is a coach ticket and your sitting in 1st class."

"I can do What-eva I want, I'm a blonde." Well I'll get the pilot.

The pilot comes and whispers in the blondes ear and she leaves. The steward looks amazed and says, "What did you say?"

The pilot simply says, "I told her 1st class wasn't going to Miami, just coach was!!!"

A plane full of retirees headed for Florida was gripped with fear when the pilot announced, "Two of our engines are on fire; we are flying through a heavy fog, and it has eliminated virtually all our visibility."

The passengers were numb with fear, except for one... a semi-retired minister... "Now, now, keep calm, folks" he said. "Let's all bow our heads and pray."

Immediately, the group bowed their heads to pray... except fellow near the back. "Why aren't you bowing your head to pray?" the minister asked.

"Well, I don't know how to pray," replied the passenger.

"Well, just do something religious!" piped up another well meaning passenger.

So the man got up and started down the aisle passing his hat...