Aviation Jokes — most viewed jokes

What did the great Ape shout to the pilots who tried to shoot him off the skyscraper?
→ Listen, hotshots, don't monkey around with me!

"Look at that speed!" said one hawk to another as the jet fighter plane hurtled over their heads.
"Hmph!" snorted the other. "You would fly fast too if your tail was on fire!"

At one of the packed, Delta ticket counters all of ticket agents were doing their best to politely process each passenger as quickly as they could. A man toward the end of the snaking line of passengers was obviously impatient and very frustrated at having to wait so long in the slow moving line. He finally decided to march right up to the counter pulling his wheeled suitcase and demanded that he be given his boarding pass. The ticket agent turned, looked at him, blinked, took a shallow, deep breath and said, "Sir, as you can see there are many passengers ahead of you. We are doing our best to process the passengers as fast as we can. I'm afraid you'll have to get back in line". Outraged and red in the face, the man yelled at the ticket agent saying, "Do you know who I am ???!!!." The ticket agent turned, looked at him, blinked, took another shallow, deep breath, picked up the public address system microphone and said calmly, "There is a man at the Delta ticket counter who does not know who he is. Anyone who may be able to identify this man is asked to please step forward and identify him. Thank you".

- Tower: Mission triple-three, do you have problems?

- Pilot: I think, I have lost my compass.

- Tower: Judging the way you are flying, you lost the whole instrument panel..

A little guy gets on a plane and sits next to the window. A few minutes later, a big, heavy, strong, mean-looking, hulking guy plops down in the seat next to him and immediately falls asleep.

The little guy starts to feel a little airsick, but he's afraid to wake the big guy up to ask if he can move aside to let him go to the bathroom. He knows he can't climb over him, and so the little guy is sitting there, looking at the big guy, trying to decide what to do.

Suddenly, the plane hits an air pocket and an uncontrollable wave of nausea passes through the little guy. He can't hold it in any longer and hurls all over the big guy's chest.

About five minutes later the big guy wakes up, looks down, and sees the vomit all over him.

"So," says the little guy, "are you feeling any better now?"

- Tower: What's your heigth and position?

- Pilot: Well, I'm 6 foot tall and I'm sitting front left.

- Pilot: Jones tower, Cessna 12345, student pilot, I am out of fuel.

- Tower: Roger Cessna 12345, reduce airspeed to best glide!! Do you have the airfield in sight?!?!!

- Pilot: Uh...tower, I am on the south ramp; I just want to know where the fuel truck is.

What do you call a pig that took a plane?
→ Swine flu!

I have a friend who is a pilot on a 747.

I said "Hi Jack."

He shot me.

- Flight 1234, for noise abatement turn right 45 degrees..

- But Center, we are at 35,000 feet, how much noise can we make up here?

- Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 707 makes when it hits a 727?