The angry wife met her husband at the door.
His breath stunk of alcohol and his face was plastered with lipstick.
- I assume - she barked - there is a very good reason for you to come drifting in at six o'clock in the morning?
- There is! - he replied - Breakfast.
A couple of young guys were fishing at their special pond off the beaten track when out of the bushes jumped the game warden.
Immediately, one of the boys threw his rod down and started running through the woods like a bat out of hell and hot on his heels came the game warden.
After about a half mile, the guy stopped and stooped over with his hands on his thighs to catch his breath and the game warden finally caught up to him.
- Let's see yer fishin license, boy! - the warden gasped.
With that, the guy pulled out his wallet and gave the game warden a valid fishing license.
- Well, son - said the Game Warden.
- You must be about as dumb as a box of rocks! You don't have to run from me if you have a valid license!
- Yes sir - replied the young feller.
- But my friend back there, well, he don't have one...
Why do they have so much trouble with the phone systems in China?
→ Because there are so many Wings and so many Wongs that someone's always Winging the Wong number.
- Patient (to cosmetic surgeon): Will it hurt me, doctor?
- Surgeon: Only when you get my bill, Mrs Brown.
- Doctor, Doctor I feel like an apple.
- We must get to the core of this!
What's the definition of Parity?
→ Two parrots exactly the same!
- Doctor, doctor, I'm having difficulty sleeping.
- Doctor: Well maybe it's your bed.
- Oh, I'm all right at night, it's in the day I have problems.
- Nick: Can you tell me the way to Bath?
- Rick: I use soap and water, personally.
When a baby is learning to eat, shouldn't he have an L-plate?
I married Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was "Always."
