Random joke from this category
What's the definition of a perfect woman?
a) Three feet tall with a round hole for a mouth and a flat head so that you can put a pint of beer on it.
b) The sports model has pullback ears and her teeth fold in.
c) The economy model fucks all night and, at midnight, turns into a roast beef sandwich and a six pack.
One day, God went to find Adam and Eve in the garden, but found that Adam was sitting by himself.
- Where's Eve? - He asked.
- Well, - said Adam - She started to bleed. This happens every month or so.
- So where is she? - asked God.
- Well, she went down to the river to wash up. - replied Adam.
- Darn, - said God - Now I'll never get the smell out of the fish!
- EB101: PMS (Preposterous Mood Swings) - Learning To Sleep Over At Mother's
- EB102: We Do Not Want Ties For Christmas (Just Wear The Sexy Lingerie I Gave You)
- EB103: How Not To Sob Like A Sponge When Your Husband Is Right
- EB104: Why It Is Unacceptable To Talk About Feminine Hygiene In Mixed Company
- EB105: If You Want To Know How That Looks On You, Ask Your Mother
- EB106: How To Act Younger Than Your Mother
- EB107: Apologizing For Farting When You're On The Toilet Is Not Necessary
- GE101: You, The Whining Sex
- GE102: Why You Don't Need To Invite Your Mother Over Every Weekend
- GE103: Payday And Shopping Are Not Synonymous
- GE104: Female Friendship - Why Your Best Friends Are Not The Women Who Complain About You The Most
- GE105: Learning To Appreciate Beer Belly And Lard Butt Morphologies Of Men
- HE101: You Can Change The Oil Too
- HE102: How To Properly Fill A Beer Mug
- HE103: How To Do All Your Laundry In One Load And Have More Time To Watch Football
- HE104: How To Encourage Your Husband To Cook More And Be Able To Stomach His Slop
- HE105: Get A Life - Learn To Kill Spiders Yourself
- HE106: How To Close The Garage Door
- HE107: How To Close The Top On The Toothpaste
- HE108: How to Drive a Nail Without Breaking One
- HE109: Why Going To The Bathroom Is Not A Group Activity
- HE110: Overcoming "The Imelda Syndrome" (formerly called "How Many Feet Do You Have, Anyway?")
- IR101: Understanding The Female Causes Of Male Drunkenness
- IR102: If You Don't Want An Excuse, Don't Demand An Explanation
- IR103: Romanticism - The Whole Point Of Caviar, Candles, And Conversation
- IR104: Why Men Enjoy Grocery Shopping About As Much As Women Enjoy Watching "The Three Stooges"
- IR105: Marriage - The Number One Cause Of Divorce
- LS101: Combatting The Impulse To Nag
- LS102: Parenting - Your Husband Gave You Children So You Could Have Someone Other Than Him To Boss Around
- LS103: Balancing A Checkbook - Even You Can Get It Right
- LS104: Comprehending Credit Card Spending Limits And Financial Responsibility
- LS105: Shopping - Doing It In Less Than 16 Hours
- LS106: How To Go Fishing With Your Mate And Not Catch Pneumonia
- LS107: Living Without Power Windows - How To Turn A Crank
- LS108: How To Retain Your Composure While Your Husband Is Relaxing By Himself
- LS109: You Too Can Carry A Backpack
- LS110: Dress Like A Slut And Put On Something Sexy - Why It Won't Ruin Your Brain
- LS111: Attainable Goal - Catching A Ball Before It Stops Moving
- LS112: How To Remain Femininely Enticing And Attractive After Menopause
- LS113: How To Parallel Park
- SE101: Reasons To Give Head To Your Man
- SE102: How To Stay Awake During Sex And Imagine That It Lasted For Over 10 Minutes
- SE103: Fall Semester: You Can Use A Bed For More Than Just Sleep Spring Semester: It's Okay To Do It Outside Of The Bedroom
- SE104: How To Say "Yes" More Often
- SE105: How To Say "No" But Really Mean "Yes"
- SE106: Lingerie - The Gift That Keeps On Giving
- SE107: Sexual Alternatives For "That Time Of The Month" (formerly called "Any Old Port In A Storm")
- SE108: Foreplay (not a required course, for extra credit only)
And God Created The Woman
He was so pleased with his creation that he calls in three of his top advisors: His chief Carpenter, His Chief Tailor, and His Chief Architect.
He presents his creation to his Chiefs and asks them for suggestions and comments.
The Carpenter says:
- Too many forms, you need to straighten things out, flatten it out.
God replies:
- No I like it that way, but thanks
Then the Tailor says:
- Too many strings (hair) sticking out, you need to trim them.
God replies:
- No I like it that way, but thanks
Then the Architect says:
- Wonderful creation, absolutely superb, but next time, please do not place the toilets next to the reception room
An old woman saved a Fairy's life. To repay this, the Fairy promised to grant the old woman three wishes.
For the first wish, the old lady asked to become young and beautiful. Poof! She became young and beautiful.
For the second wish, the old lady asked to be richest woman in the world. Poof! She was the richest woman in the world.
For the last wish, she pointed at the cat she had kept for years. She asked that he be turned into the most handsome man on earth. After all, he had been her best friend for so many years. Poof! The Fairy turned the cat into the most handsome man on earth.
The old lady and the Fairy said their goodbyes.
After the Fairy left, the handsome man (old cat) strolled over to her and asked:
- Now aren't you sorry you had me neutered?!!!
In response to calls for sexual equity, Pillsbury recently added a new Pillsbury Doughgirl character to the well known Doughboy. Unfortunately, she couldn't come to work this week because she had a yeast infection.
I don't think the leading feminist realized what she was saying when she told a reporter, "As long as women are split like we are, men will remain on top."
A woman needs only four animals in her life: a mink on her back, a jaguar in her garage, a tiger in her bed, and a jackass to pay for it all.
A beggar walks up to a well-dressed woman who is shopping on Rodeo Drive and said:
- I haven't eaten anything in four days.
She looked at him and said:
- God, I wish I had your willpower.
A guy is outside in his front yard attempting to fly a kite with his son.
Every time the kite gets up in the air, it comes crashing down.
After this goes on for awhile, his wife sticks her head out the front door and yells:
- You need more tail.
The guy turns to his son and says:
- Son, I never will understand women. I just told her an hour ago I needed more tail, and she said to go fly a kite!
