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Highway To Hawaii

One day a man was walking along the beach when he found a bottle, when he opened it up a genie poped out. The genie said he could have one wish. The man thought about it a while then told the man that he was afraid of heights and got sea sick, but really wanted to go to Hawaii so he asked the genie to make a highway to Hawaii.

"I don't know," said the genie, "that is really difficult. Do you have another request?"

"Well, I really want to know all about women, you know, how they tick and why their the way they are!"

The genie replied: "Will that be two lanes or four?"

Brains For Sale

A guy walks into a store to buy brains. He asks the woman behind the counter how much each of the brains cost. They saleswoman tells him, "$5/gram for women's brains, $20/gram for dog's brains, and $100/gram for men's brains."

So the guy is surprised with the varying prices, and he asks the saleswoman, "How come men's brain's are so much more expensive than women's brains or dog's brains?" And the saleswoman replies, "Are you kidding!?!?!?!? Do you know how many men it takes to get a gram of brains????"

In Just Three Words

A man was sitting at a bar enjoying an after-work cocktail when an exceptionally gorgeous & sexy young woman entered. She was so striking that the man could not take his eyes away from her.

The young woman noticed his overly-attentive stare & walked directly towards him. Before he could offer his apologies for being so rude, the young woman said to him, "I'll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $100 on one condition."

Flabbergasted, the man asked what the condition was. The young woman replied, "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words."

The man considered her proposition for a moment, withdrew his wallet from his pocket & slowly counted out five $20 bills, which he pressed into the young woman's hand. He looked into her eyes & slowly, meaningfully said, "Paint my house!"

Questions About Women

Why do women have smaller feet than men??
→ So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink!

The dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door... which do you let in first?
→ The dog of course, at least he'll shut up once he's inside!

What do you call a woman with 2 brain cells?
→ Pregnant

What do you call a woman that has lost 95% of her intelligence?
→ Divorced

Princess Di And Mother Theresa

You know how Princess Diana and Mother Theresa died around about the same time? Well they both went up to heaven. St. Peter met them at the entrance to the pearly gates. He said "You both must show me something to prove your worth, going into heaven."

Mother Theresa went first. She walked up to St. Peter and lifted her habit and flashed her breasts at him.

He said "okay. Princess Di?"

Princess Di smiled and walked over into the corner, did a squat and pissed. St. Peter gave it careful consideration.

Finally he decided. "Princess Di. You're in. Sorry Mother Theresa, but a Royal Flush, beats two of a kind!!!!!"

Stranded On Deserted Islands

What happens when you have:

  • 2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman
  • 2 French men and 1 French woman
  • 2 German men and 1 German woman
  • 2 Greek man and 1 Greek woman
  • 2 English men and 1 English woman
  • 2 Bulgarian men and 1 Bulgarian woman
  • 2 Japanese men and 1 Japanese woman
  • 2 American men and 1 American woman
  • 2 Irish men and 1 Irish woman

One month later on these absolutely stunning deserted islands in the middle of nowhere, the following things have occurred:

One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman.

The 2 French men and the French woman are living happily together in a menage ? trois.

The 2 German men have a strict weekly schedule of when they alternate with the German woman.

The 2 Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is cleaning and cooking for them.

The 2 English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the English woman.

The Bulgarian men took a long look at the endless ocean and one look at the Bulgarian woman and they started swimming.

The 2 American men are contemplating the virtues of suicide, while the American woman keeps on bitching about her body being her own, the true nature of feminism, how she can do everything that they can do, about the necessity of fulfillment, the equal division of household chores, how her last boyfriend respected her opinion and treated her much nicer and how her relationship with her mother is improving. But at least the taxes are low and it is not raining.

The 2 Japanese men have faxed Tokyo and are waiting for instructions.

The Irish began by dividing the island into North and South and by setting up a distillery. They do not remember if sex is in the picture because it gets sort of foggy after the first few liters of coconut whiskey, but they are satisfied in that at least the English are not getting any!