Random joke from this category
The aspiring psychiatrists were attending their first class on emotional extremes.
"Just to establish some parameters," said the professor to the student from Arkansas, "What is the opposite of joy?"
"Sadness," said the student.
"And the opposite of depression?" he asked of the young lady from Oklahoma.
"Elation," said she.
"And you sir," he said to the young man from Texas, "how about the opposite of woe?"
The Texan replied, "Sir, I believe that would be giddy-up."
A child at a Christian school was studying the early days of Mormonism in his class. He wrote on his paper, "The early Mormons believed in having more than one wife. This is called polygamy. But we believe in having only one wife. This is called monotony"
- Teacher: Fred, give me a sentence starting with "I."
- Fred: I is . . .
- Teacher: No, Fred. You must always say "I am."
- Fred: Oh, right. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.
What's the definition of a school report?
→ A poison pen letter from the principal.
How is a judge like an English teacher?
→ They both hand out long sentences.
When is an English teacher like a judge?
→ When she hands out long sentences.
When asked for her occupation, a woman charged with a traffic violation said she was a schoolteacher. The judge rose from the bench. "Madam, I have waited years for a schoolteacher to appear before this court," he smiled with delight. "Now sit down at that table and write 'I will not pass through a red light' five hundred times."
- PE Teacher: Why did you kick that ball straight at the school computer?
- Pupil: You told me to put it in the Net.
- Teacher: If you spend all your time sitting round playing on the Internet, you'll be fat and useless when you grow up.
- Pupil: Wow! You must have spent hours surfing when you were a kid!
- Teacher: Why are you pushing garlic into the computer's disk drive?
- Pupil: To keep vampires off the Internet
- Teacher: But there aren't any vampires on the Internet
- Pupil: See? It works, doesn't it?
