School — most commented jokes

Why did the boy bring a ladder to chorus?
→ He wanted to sing higher!

Why did the boy who rode his bike over a barbed wire fence miss his music lesson?
→ Because he'd already done the sharps and flats.

Why did the music student have a piano in the bathroom?
→ Because he was practicing Handel's Water Music.

Why was the big, hairy, two-headed monster top of the class at school?
→ Because two heads are better than one.

What do they have for lunch at Monster School?
→ Human beans, boiled legs, pickled bunions and eyes-cream.

'I can't find my dollar bill,' Jane sobbed.

'Don't worry,' her Counselor said. 'A dollar doesn't go very far today.'

An English teacher asked her class to write an essay on what they'd do if they had a million dollars. Alec handed in a blank sheet of paper.

'Alec!' yelled the teacher, 'you've done nothing. Why?'

'Because if I had a million dollars, that's exactly what I would do!'

Why did the mean teacher walk around with her purse open?
→ She'd read there was going to be some change in the weather.

At a lesson in topography a soldier was asked: "What is farther away, Harrison, the moon or that object on this map?"
"That object, naturally."
"What makes you think that?"
"'Cause we can see the moon any clear night, and we can't see that object even at day time."

The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and was giving an oral test.

Speaking specifically about manic depression, she asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?"

A young man in the rear raised his hand and answered, "A basketball coach?"