Religion — most commented jokes

During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the pastor with an unusual offer.

"Look, I'll give you $100 if you'll change the wedding vows. When you get to me and the part where I'm to promise to 'love, honor and obey' and 'forsaking all others, be faithful to her forever,' I'd appreciate it if you'd just leave that part out." He passed the minister a $100 bill and walked away satisfied.

It is now the day of the wedding, and the bride and groom have moved to that part of the ceremony where the vows are exchanged. When it comes time for the groom's vows, the pastor looks the young man in the eye and says, "Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?"

The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, "I do."

Then, he leaned toward the pastor and hissed, "I thought we had a deal."

The pastor put the $100 bill into his hand and whispered back, "She made me a much better offer."

Why do you live like a NUN after you get married?
→ NUN in the morning, NUN in the afternoon, NUN in the evening, NUN what so ever!

An old rabbi is talking with one of his friends and says with a warm smile, "I gladdened seven hearts today." "Seven hearts?" asks the friend. "How did you do that?" The rabbi strokes his beard and replies, "I performed three marriages." The friend looks at him quizically.

"Seven?" he asks. "I could understand six, but..." "What do you think" says the rabbi, "that I do this for free?"

On his way out of church, Frank stopped at the door to speak to the minister. "Would it be right," he asked, "for a person to profit from the mistakes of another?" "Absolutely not!" replied the pastor. "In that case," said the young man, "I wonder if you'd consider returning the hundred dollars I paid you to marry my wife and me last July."

A child at a Christian school was studying the early days of Mormonism in his class. He wrote on his paper, "The early Mormons believed in having more than one wife. This is called polygamy. But we believe in having only one wife. This is called monotony"

A girl runs home to her mother crying, "I can't marry Joe! He's an atheist! He doesn't believe in God or Jesus or anything!"
"Don't worry, Honey," said her mom.
"But Mom, he doesn't even believe in Hell!"
"Don't worry, Honey," repeated her mom, "you marry him...and we'll convince him!"

- Moe: My wife converted me to religion.

- Joe: Really?

- Moe: Yes. Until I married her I didn't believe in hell.

A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice: "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you."

The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished. He went on, and after awhile he was going to cross the road.

Once again the voice shouted: "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you and you will die."

The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him.

"Where are you?" the man asked. "Who are you?"

"I am your guardian angel," the voice answered.

"Oh yeah?" the man asked...

"And where were you when I got married?"

This fellow dies and goes to heaven. God offers to answer three questions.

- Guy: Why are girls so pretty?

- God: So you'll like them.

- Guy: Why are girls soft?

- God: So you'll like them.

- Guy: Why are girls so dumb?

- God: So they'll like you.

A young lady came home and told her Mother that her boyfriend had proposed but she had turned him down because she found out he was an atheist, and didn't believe in Heaven or Hell.

"Marry him anyway, dear." the Mother said. "Between the two of us, we'll show him just how wrong he is."