Political Jokes — most commented jokes

On the 12th day of the Eurocentrically imposed midwinter festival, my acquaintance-rape survivor gave to me,
TWELVE males reclaiming their inner warrior through ritual drumming,
ELEVEN pipers piping (plus the 18-member pit orchestra made up of members in good standing of the Musicians Equity Union as called for in their union contract even though they will not be asked to play a note...),
TEN melanin-deprived testosterone-poisoned scions of the patriarchal ruling class system leaping,
NINE persons engaged in rhythmic self-expression,
EIGHT economically disadvantaged female persons stealing milk-products from enslaved bovine-Americans,
SEVEN endangered swans swimming on federally protected wetlands,
SIX enslaved fowl-Americans producing stolen nonhuman animal products,
FIVE golden symbols of culturally sanctioned enforced domestic incarceration,

(Note: after members of the Animal Liberation Front threatened to throw red paint at my computer, the calling birds, French hens and partridge have been reintroduced to their native habitat. To avoid further animal-American enslavement, the remaining gift package has been revised.)

FOUR hours of recorded whale songs,
THREE deconstructionist poets,
TWO Sierra Club calendars printed on recycled processed tree carcasses,...

And a Spotted Owl activist chained to an old-growth pear tree.

The Top 9 Signs Your City Used Bribes to Become an Olympic Site

9. IOC members seem unconcerned over scheduling conflicts due to the yachting, diving and swimming events all being held in the 34th Street YMCA pool.
10. All 75 of the new hires in the mayor's office are named either Ingrid or Sven.
11. After Philadelphia lands the Summer Games, Juan Antonio Samaranch sports a hood ornament that looks strangely like the Liberty Bell.
12. Only someone bribed with hookers and college tuition wouldn't think the term "New York City Hospitality Committee" is an oxymoron.
13. Karl Malone is now playing forward for the Utah Samaranches.
14. T-shirt for sale in the hotel lobby: "My dad went to Salt Lake City, and all I got was this T-shirt and college tuition."
15. "Miss Salt Lake" for 1999 requires a translator to deliver her coronation speech.
16. New Olympic mascots: Vinny and Knuckles.

and the Number 1 Sign Your City Used Bribes to Become an Olympic Site...

1. The IOC suddenly decides to change the official cycling uniforms to white shirts and ties.

If government is going to put health warning labels on beer, wine and liquor, let's at least have a little truthfulness about the matter!

• WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to wake up with breath that could knock a buzzard off a shit truck at 100 yards.
• WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an idiot.
• WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to smash your head in.
• WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the boss what you REALLY THINK while photocopying your butt at the office Christmas party.
• WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell ever happened to your pants (panties) anyway.
• WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and/or name you can't remember).
• WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer, and smarter than some really, really huge biker guy named "Big Al".

A drunk goes into a bar sits down and says hey hey bartender can we talk about politics

The bartender says "IF THERE IS ONE THING WE DON'T TALK ABOUT IN HERE IT'S POLITICS". A little while later hey bartender can we talk about religon. Again the bartender says "IF THERE'S ONE THING WE DON'T TALK ABOUT IN HERE IT'S RELIGON". Then again we hear hey bartender can we talk about sex. The bartender says SURE. The drunk says good............fuck you!

After spending a night at a hotel with a prostitute, the politician took $300 out of his wallet and placed it on the dressing table.

"Thanks," she said. "But I only charge $20."

"Twenty bucks for the entire night?" the amazed MP replied. "You can't make a living on that."

"Oh, don't worry," the whore replied. "I do a little blackmail on the side!"

On Jeopardy...

- Trebek: The category is "Political Subversion". The answer is: This entity is dedicated to the destruction of religion, morality, and the American way of life.

- Player: What is the KGB?

- Trebek: Be more specific.

- Player: What is PBS?

- Trebek: Right!

What did Arafat say to Clinton?

"Sheep don't talk, my friend."

What is long, black, and smelly?
→ The unemployment line.

An Arab diplomat visiting the US for the first time was being wined and dined by the State Department. The Grand Emir was unused to the salt in American foods (french fries, cheeses, salami, anchovies etc.) and was constantly sending his manservant Abdul to fetch him a glass of water.

Time and again, Abdul would scamper off and return with a glass of water, but then came the time when he returned empty-handed.

"Abdul, you son of an ugly camel, where is my water?" demanded the Grand Emir.

"A thousand pardons, O Illustrious One," stammered the wretched Abdul, "white man sit on well."

How does a Russian commit suicide?
→ He smells his armpit

How does an American commit suicide?
→ He tells this joke to a Russian.